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Post by RitaMarita on Feb 17, 2017 10:03:14 GMT -5
I am struggling with a tough situation and could use some advice. I would ask my family, but with all of them being novus ordo they would be most likely to just brush it off... So, I thought that I would ask you all since many of you have children and probably have some good counsel for me that you would give to yours...
Some of my friends recently convinced me to sign up for Catholic Match... Now, I am the sort of person to be extremely cautious concerning making close acquaintances from over the internet in general, but my friends all talked to me about it separately without knowing the others had and this made me wonder whether maybe God had a reason why I should. So I joined the site after visiting my best childhood friend, who met her husband on there, and them both convincing me that God sometimes likes to use the means around us to accomplish His Will.
Anyways... There is a person from this site who has been messaging me, and wants to talk to me over Skype and get to know me better. He says that he converted last year around Easter, and that this was primarily because of the Tridintine/Latin Mass. Yet, it has been a year and he still has never even been to a traditional Mass. He also wants to settle in Tennessee where there is not a really good place to attend Mass. My biggest deal-breaker is the Mass, and I would rather never marry than lose access to the Sacraments. This causes me to have reservations, especially since I know that once I give my heart to someone it is often hard for me to let go. So, I have told him that until he holds a firm opinion about the Mass, and that I agree with him, I am not open to taking any further steps besides simple communication with him.
He responded by saying that I am just being stubborn, and wants to talk it all through face to face over the computer. I feel kind of like a jerk, but don't want to get into a situation that I will get wrapped into and regret later on down the road. So, any thoughts and comments are greatly appreciated.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2017 10:44:44 GMT -5
My advice, run don't walk. Sorry . Did you ever think of becoming a nun? I'm terrified of the prospect of my children finding wives. I often think that there is nobody normal left in the world. I know intellectually that isn't true but it sure feels like it sometimes. Man, I know a couple at Church that met through Catholic Match and they look like Ken and Barbie, so I guess it could work but it sure would be nice to just find some chemistry happening with a normal Catholic guy in a normal situation. Pray to Mary, it is literally a miracle that I have the husband that I do. Literally, a miracle by our Blessed Mother's intervention. Boy, I would sure like to see you find a match by being surrounding by Catholic guys and falling madly in love with one of them but I guess that may not be possible. That guy just doesn't sound that Catholic and he sounds a bit pushy. My Grandfather always warned me that you can fall in love with anyone so be careful. I 100% agree with him.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2017 10:49:37 GMT -5
Do you know if Mr. Novus Ordo Watch is married? I like that guy!
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Post by Voxxkowalski on Feb 17, 2017 12:01:01 GMT -5
Ahem...young lady...(best dad voice) Do not compromise anything for a man not your husband. If he loves you and wants you happy he will aquiess to all your goodly requirements. This is the first test of any suitor...he must climb the tower to you...you must not repunzle like "let down your hair"...as to catholic match...Im not intrinsically opposed because for eons humans have employed inumerable strategys and methods to find a mate...but that being said...the internet age has bred people who are impatient and want instant gratification...this sound like this young mans problem. Make him wait...for years if needs be...the good man will not be offended nor discouraged. My 2cents
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Post by micah1199 on Feb 17, 2017 12:29:30 GMT -5
Dear Rita,
As a man, I would run from this guy. He is wishy washy and not firm with his faith. A man needs to have a firm faith to raise truly Catholic children. The boys raised in an environment where the mother was pious and the father not firm in belief would end up seeing religion as something for old women.
Jesus and Mary, David
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Post by micah1199 on Feb 17, 2017 12:30:50 GMT -5
I guess I think of St. Joseph who was the most pious and uncompromising of Hebrew men.
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Post by RitaMarita on Feb 17, 2017 14:13:13 GMT -5
My advice, run don't walk. Sorry . Did you ever think of becoming a nun? I'm terrified of the prospect of my children finding wives. I often think that there is nobody normal left in the world. I know intellectually that isn't true but it sure feels like it sometimes. Man, I know a couple at Church that met through Catholic Match and they look like Ken and Barbie, so I guess it could work but it sure would be nice to just find some chemistry happening with a normal Catholic guy in a normal situation. Pray to Mary, it is literally a miracle that I have the husband that I do. Literally, a miracle by our Blessed Mother's intervention. Boy, I would sure like to see you find a match by being surrounding by Catholic guys and falling madly in love with one of them but I guess that may not be possible. That guy just doesn't sound that Catholic and he sounds a bit pushy. My Grandfather always warned me that you can fall in love with anyone so be careful. I 100% agree with him. Thank you for your reply Erica! I tend second guess myself a lot, and it is nice to hear that you so not think that I am not crazy in having reservations about this guy. So many other people are always telling me that I am too particular, but I think that it is better not to marry than have a high chance of a bad marriage. I feel a lot more confident now about writing to him and telling him off. Thanks and God bless you!
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2017 14:27:36 GMT -5
Ha ha, I don't know that you need to tell him off but you definitely don't need to make friends with anyone that you don't choose to. From what I gathered from your post, it seems a bit funny that he says that he converted to Catholicism because of the Latin Mass but doesn't attend the Latin Mass. If you think this came off as odd, I do too. You can definitely walk away from odd with a clear conscience. God bless you!
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Post by RitaMarita on Feb 17, 2017 14:29:07 GMT -5
Ahem...young lady...(best dad voice) Do not compromise anything for a man not your husband. If he loves you and wants you happy he will aquiess to all your goodly requirements. This is the first test of any suitor...he must climb the tower to you...you must not repunzle like "let down your hair"...as to catholic match...Im not intrinsically opposed because for eons humans have employed inumerable strategys and methods to find a mate...but that being said...the internet age has bred people who are impatient and want instant gratification...this sound like this young mans problem. Make him wait...for years if needs be...the good man will not be offended nor discouraged. My 2cents Lol... Thanks, Voxx! You always make me laugh and feel better! I can always trust you for that! It is a relief to hear that my having high standards is not a bad thing. In some ways I almost feel like you are my internet dad! Thanks again for all the support and encouragement you give to me and all of us!
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Post by RitaMarita on Feb 17, 2017 14:30:47 GMT -5
Ha ha, I don't know that you need to tell him off but you definitely don't need to make friends with anyone that you don't choose to. From what I gathered from your post, it seems a bit funny that he says that he converted to Catholicism because of the Latin Mass but doesn't attend the Latin Mass. If you think this came off as odd, I do too. You can definitely walk away from odd with a clear conscience. God bless you! Lol... I am the sort of person who hates doing or saying something that might possibly hurt someone, unless I believe that it is the right thing to do. And that often gets me in trouble because people take advantage of be because of this. Thanks again for all the insight! I really appreciate it!
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Post by RitaMarita on Feb 17, 2017 14:34:00 GMT -5
Dear Rita, As a man, I would run from this guy. He is wishy washy and not firm with his faith. A man needs to have a firm faith to raise truly Catholic children. The boys raised in an environment where the mother was pious and the father not firm in belief would end up seeing religion as something for old women. Jesus and Mary, David Thanks, David! It is good to hear that I am not making this all up in my head. And you are totally right about it being important to have a pious father for a family, especially in this day and age. God bless! Rita
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2017 14:40:05 GMT -5
Ha ha, I don't know that you need to tell him off but you definitely don't need to make friends with anyone that you don't choose to. From what I gathered from your post, it seems a bit funny that he says that he converted to Catholicism because of the Latin Mass but doesn't attend the Latin Mass. If you think this came off as odd, I do too. You can definitely walk away from odd with a clear conscience. God bless you! Lol... I am the sort of person who hates doing or saying something that might possibly hurt someone, unless I believe that it is the right thing to do. And that often gets me in trouble because people take advantage of be because of this. Thanks again for all the insight! I really appreciate it! That means that you are a good person. Most of the time if we are taken advantage of, we can just offer it up and it's a cross to bear. But love is different and can make or break the rest of your entire life. You are very right to be careful. I think that's why they say all's fair in love and war. Hurting a man's feelings by walking away is always acceptable behavior, in my opinion. He'll live.
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Post by RitaMarita on Feb 17, 2017 14:58:02 GMT -5
Lol... I am the sort of person who hates doing or saying something that might possibly hurt someone, unless I believe that it is the right thing to do. And that often gets me in trouble because people take advantage of be because of this. Thanks again for all the insight! I really appreciate it! That means that you are a good person. Most of the time if we are taken advantage of, we can just offer it up and it's a cross to bear. But love is different and can make or break the rest of your entire life. You are very right to be careful. I think that's why they say all's fair in love and war. Hurting a man's feelings by walking away is always acceptable behavior, in my opinion. He'll live. Thanks, Erica! You make me want to cry... ...in a good way... I am so grateful to have you all here to help make up for all of my family being novus ordo and not being able to give me advice! It means a lot to me!
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2017 15:37:06 GMT -5
Well, even a NO Catholic can offer good advice. I wouldn't even think that you need to eliminate the entire pool of NO Catholic men from your potential future husband. I was more concerned with the incongruency between his conversion story and his actual behavior. Like maybe he was telling you things that he thought you wanted to hear instead of being honest. I believe that there are still Catholics in NO that just don't know what to make of what is happening but may still be faithful Catholics. These are weird times we are in. Anyway, girl you trust your gut.
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Post by RitaMarita on Feb 17, 2017 18:52:06 GMT -5
Well, even a NO Catholic can offer good advice. I wouldn't even think that you need to eliminate the entire pool of NO Catholic men from your potential future husband. I was more concerned with the incongruency between his conversion story and his actual behavior. Like maybe he was telling you things that he thought you wanted to hear instead of being honest. I believe that there are still Catholics in NO that just don't know what to make of what is happening but may still be faithful Catholics. These are weird times we are in. Anyway, girl you trust your gut. It is true, Erica. I am sure that there are people in the novus ordo on the verge of converting. In fact, there was another man on the site who was a recent convert and had been messaging me. When he saw my "20 questions", he wrote to me saying that I really made his question himself as to where he stood on everything. Yet, instead of telling me I was stubborn, he said that he wanted to figure out where he stood on everything before talking to me anymore, and was very courteous about it all. I think that the way he acted was very responsible and respectful, and it was his response that actually made me think more about where this other person stood. These times certainly are weird, and who knows... If that one man becomes a traditional Catholic because of my being on Catholic Match, even if I never talk to him again, that is surely worth any trouble I come across on the site. So, maybe God has a reason for all of this after all.
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