Nephew

[Marya Dabrowski]

What would you do if you thought your nephew was being groomed or what advice can you give me?

Here's the background.

Last summer my nephew was 11.  His dad is in prison.  My sister has been a single mom for years since the childrens' dad left.  There are two boys.  My nephew has a disability.  I was visiting my parents when this man stopped by the house to pick up my nephews to take them to practice.  I had never met this man before and my sister had known him about 6 months but only seen him occassionaly.  He was around 30 and single.  He mentioned to my mom that he was going to take the boys to practice for a few hours and then to a town about 30 miles away for ice cream and then to a ball game in another town 30 miles away from that town after the ice cream.  At this point looked at him with my eyes wide open because the first town would have been past my parents' house and there was no reason to take them when they could have easily been dropped off there.  There was also company at my parents so it would make more sense to bring them home for my nephews to visit with the family.  I questioned my mom later as to why he didn't just drop the kids off and she said she had felt the same way but had not said anything.  When this man saw my reaction he became nervous and started talking really fast and tried to make "no big deal" of it.  

I was alarmed but thought maybe it was nothing.  Still I had mentioned in the past about my nephews being vulnerable and I emailed my sister to just say, "Hey, just think maybe it's not appropriate for this man to be taking the boys to two different towns in his car alone with no other adult around."  She quickly responded, "I trust him."  I wanted to slap her over the head through the computer because it's almost always people you trust.

I was concerned but thought I'd done all I could do and hoped for the best. Later I found out he was out of the country with "problems with his visa" and thought, "There, no more worries."  Then I was to my parents' for Christmas and he called from another country.  He talked to my mom.  I thought, "Don't be alarmed, no big deal.  Odd, maybe."  Then he asked to talked to my nephew.  My nephew said he is his favorite.  He said he was trying to get his visa paperwork straightened out so he could come back.   My nephew said this in front of everyone.  No one else was concerned.  I was sick.  Later I asked my nephew about him.  He said, "He's kind.  Actually he's more like my friend..."
 
So does anyone think this is something to be concerned about?  If this man came back to the area should I try to talk to my nephew, my sister, or anybody?

Thank you.

[RitaMarita]

May 11, 2016 10:40:37 GMT -5 Marya Dabrowski said:

What would you do if you thought your nephew was being groomed or what advice can you give me?

Here's the background.

Last summer my nephew was 11.  His dad is in prison.  My sister has been a single mom for years since the childrens' dad left.  There are two boys.  My nephew has a disability.  I was visiting my parents when this man stopped by the house to pick up my nephews to take them to practice.  I had never met this man before and my sister had known him about 6 months but only seen him occassionaly.  He was around 30 and single.  He mentioned to my mom that he was going to take the boys to practice for a few hours and then to a town about 30 miles away for ice cream and then to a ball game in another town 30 miles away from that town after the ice cream.  At this point looked at him with my eyes wide open because the first town would have been past my parents' house and there was no reason to take them when they could have easily been dropped off there.  There was also company at my parents so it would make more sense to bring them home for my nephews to visit with the family.  I questioned my mom later as to why he didn't just drop the kids off and she said she had felt the same way but had not said anything.  When this man saw my reaction he became nervous and started talking really fast and tried to make "no big deal" of it.  

I was alarmed but thought maybe it was nothing.  Still I had mentioned in the past about my nephews being vulnerable and I emailed my sister to just say, "Hey, just think maybe it's not appropriate for this man to be taking the boys to two different towns in his car alone with no other adult around."  She quickly responded, "I trust him."  I wanted to slap her over the head through the computer because it's almost always people you trust.

I was concerned but thought I'd done all I could do and hoped for the best. Later I found out he was out of the country with "problems with his visa" and thought, "There, no more worries."  Then I was to my parents' for Christmas and he called from another country.  He talked to my mom.  I thought, "Don't be alarmed, no big deal.  Odd, maybe."  Then he asked to talked to my nephew.  My nephew said he is his favorite.  He said he was trying to get his visa paperwork straightened out so he could come back.   My nephew said this in front of everyone.  No one else was concerned.  I was sick.  Later I asked my nephew about him.  He said, "He's kind.  Actually he's more like my friend..."
 
So does anyone think this is something to be concerned about?  If this man came back to the area should I try to talk to my nephew, my sister, or anybody?

Thank you.

Well, it seems as if there are two possibilities...

The man could be honest and goodhearted, and in that case saying something might cause more trouble than its worth.  

Yet, the man could also be a wierdo.

Probably the best thing to do is be on your guard, keep an eye out, but not say anything until you are more sure that there is something wrong with him.

I have known good people to be judged falsely, and if your sister truly trusts him so much, maybe talk to her if you are worried.  Be completely open with her, and she should be able to calm your fears by telling you why she trusts him so much.  Maybe he has shown himself to be a man of good character time and time again...

Hope this helps!  

Keep fighting the good fight and may God bless you!

[Voxxkowalski]

May 11, 2016 10:40:37 GMT -5 Marya Dabrowski said:

What would you do if you thought your nephew was being groomed or what advice can you give me?

Here's the background.

Last summer my nephew was 11.  His dad is in prison.  My sister has been a single mom for years since the childrens' dad left.  There are two boys.  My nephew has a disability.  I was visiting my parents when this man stopped by the house to pick up my nephews to take them to practice.  I had never met this man before and my sister had known him about 6 months but only seen him occassionaly.  He was around 30 and single.  He mentioned to my mom that he was going to take the boys to practice for a few hours and then to a town about 30 miles away for ice cream and then to a ball game in another town 30 miles away from that town after the ice cream.  At this point looked at him with my eyes wide open because the first town would have been past my parents' house and there was no reason to take them when they could have easily been dropped off there.  There was also company at my parents so it would make more sense to bring them home for my nephews to visit with the family.  I questioned my mom later as to why he didn't just drop the kids off and she said she had felt the same way but had not said anything.  When this man saw my reaction he became nervous and started talking really fast and tried to make "no big deal" of it.  

I was alarmed but thought maybe it was nothing.  Still I had mentioned in the past about my nephews being vulnerable and I emailed my sister to just say, "Hey, just think maybe it's not appropriate for this man to be taking the boys to two different towns in his car alone with no other adult around."  She quickly responded, "I trust him."  I wanted to slap her over the head through the computer because it's almost always people you trust.

I was concerned but thought I'd done all I could do and hoped for the best. Later I found out he was out of the country with "problems with his visa" and thought, "There, no more worries."  Then I was to my parents' for Christmas and he called from another country.  He talked to my mom.  I thought, "Don't be alarmed, no big deal.  Odd, maybe."  Then he asked to talked to my nephew.  My nephew said he is his favorite.  He said he was trying to get his visa paperwork straightened out so he could come back.   My nephew said this in front of everyone.  No one else was concerned.  I was sick.  Later I asked my nephew about him.  He said, "He's kind.  Actually he's more like my friend..."
 
So does anyone think this is something to be concerned about?  If this man came back to the area should I try to talk to my nephew, my sister, or anybody?

Thank you.

Welcome to TC...first off there are so many red flags I would call it a parade! Id say you gut is correct...if I were there (as a man) I would corner this guy and put the full court press. But as it is...imo...your best move is to talk to a local police person...explain it just the way you did here...tell them you want anonymity because your concerned for your safety...the cops are objective. But be sure that it is not let known you reached out to them. Lay low and work behind the scene.

[Voxxkowalski]

Ps
If this guy is legit...he has nothing to fear of police scrutiny.

[Marya Dabrowski]

May 11, 2016 10:52:04 GMT -5 RitaMarita said:

May 11, 2016 10:40:37 GMT -5 Marya Dabrowski said:

What would you do if you thought your nephew was being groomed or what advice can you give me?

Here's the background.

Last summer my nephew was 11.  His dad is in prison.  My sister has been a single mom for years since the childrens' dad left.  There are two boys.  My nephew has a disability.  I was visiting my parents when this man stopped by the house to pick up my nephews to take them to practice.  I had never met this man before and my sister had known him about 6 months but only seen him occassionaly.  He was around 30 and single.  He mentioned to my mom that he was going to take the boys to practice for a few hours and then to a town about 30 miles away for ice cream and then to a ball game in another town 30 miles away from that town after the ice cream.  At this point looked at him with my eyes wide open because the first town would have been past my parents' house and there was no reason to take them when they could have easily been dropped off there.  There was also company at my parents so it would make more sense to bring them home for my nephews to visit with the family.  I questioned my mom later as to why he didn't just drop the kids off and she said she had felt the same way but had not said anything.  When this man saw my reaction he became nervous and started talking really fast and tried to make "no big deal" of it.  

I was alarmed but thought maybe it was nothing.  Still I had mentioned in the past about my nephews being vulnerable and I emailed my sister to just say, "Hey, just think maybe it's not appropriate for this man to be taking the boys to two different towns in his car alone with no other adult around."  She quickly responded, "I trust him."  I wanted to slap her over the head through the computer because it's almost always people you trust.

I was concerned but thought I'd done all I could do and hoped for the best. Later I found out he was out of the country with "problems with his visa" and thought, "There, no more worries."  Then I was to my parents' for Christmas and he called from another country.  He talked to my mom.  I thought, "Don't be alarmed, no big deal.  Odd, maybe."  Then he asked to talked to my nephew.  My nephew said he is his favorite.  He said he was trying to get his visa paperwork straightened out so he could come back.   My nephew said this in front of everyone.  No one else was concerned.  I was sick.  Later I asked my nephew about him.  He said, "He's kind.  Actually he's more like my friend..."
 
So does anyone think this is something to be concerned about?  If this man came back to the area should I try to talk to my nephew, my sister, or anybody?

Thank you.

Well, it seems as if there are two possibilities...

The man could be honest and goodhearted, and in that case saying something might cause more trouble than its worth.  

Yet, the man could also be a wierdo.

Probably the best thing to do is be on your guard, keep an eye out, but not say anything until you are more sure that there is something wrong with him.

I have known good people to be judged falsely, and if your sister truly trusts him so much, maybe talk to her if you are worried.  Be completely open with her, and she should be able to calm your fears by telling you why she trusts him so much.  Maybe he has shown himself to be a man of good character time and time again...

Hope this helps!  

Keep fighting the good fight and may God bless you!

Thank you for your thoughts. I was mostly concerned because I don't think at the time my sister could have known him that well, having only met him months before. And, just like classic case, she's working and busy sometimes.

[Marya Dabrowski]

May 11, 2016 11:12:08 GMT -5 Voxxkowalski said:

May 11, 2016 10:40:37 GMT -5 Marya Dabrowski said:

What would you do if you thought your nephew was being groomed or what advice can you give me?

Here's the background.

Last summer my nephew was 11.  His dad is in prison.  My sister has been a single mom for years since the childrens' dad left.  There are two boys.  My nephew has a disability.  I was visiting my parents when this man stopped by the house to pick up my nephews to take them to practice.  I had never met this man before and my sister had known him about 6 months but only seen him occassionaly.  He was around 30 and single.  He mentioned to my mom that he was going to take the boys to practice for a few hours and then to a town about 30 miles away for ice cream and then to a ball game in another town 30 miles away from that town after the ice cream.  At this point looked at him with my eyes wide open because the first town would have been past my parents' house and there was no reason to take them when they could have easily been dropped off there.  There was also company at my parents so it would make more sense to bring them home for my nephews to visit with the family.  I questioned my mom later as to why he didn't just drop the kids off and she said she had felt the same way but had not said anything.  When this man saw my reaction he became nervous and started talking really fast and tried to make "no big deal" of it.  

I was alarmed but thought maybe it was nothing.  Still I had mentioned in the past about my nephews being vulnerable and I emailed my sister to just say, "Hey, just think maybe it's not appropriate for this man to be taking the boys to two different towns in his car alone with no other adult around."  She quickly responded, "I trust him."  I wanted to slap her over the head through the computer because it's almost always people you trust.

I was concerned but thought I'd done all I could do and hoped for the best. Later I found out he was out of the country with "problems with his visa" and thought, "There, no more worries."  Then I was to my parents' for Christmas and he called from another country.  He talked to my mom.  I thought, "Don't be alarmed, no big deal.  Odd, maybe."  Then he asked to talked to my nephew.  My nephew said he is his favorite.  He said he was trying to get his visa paperwork straightened out so he could come back.   My nephew said this in front of everyone.  No one else was concerned.  I was sick.  Later I asked my nephew about him.  He said, "He's kind.  Actually he's more like my friend..."
 
So does anyone think this is something to be concerned about?  If this man came back to the area should I try to talk to my nephew, my sister, or anybody?

Thank you.

Welcome to TC...first off there are so many red flags I would call it a parade! Id say you gut is correct...if I were there (as a man) I would corner this guy and put the full court press. But as it is...imo...your best move is to talk to a local police person...explain it just the way you did here...tell them you want anonymity because your concerned for your safety...the cops are objective. But be sure that it is not let known you reached out to them. Lay low and work behind the scene.

This is what I'm thinking, too. I just wanted to know if I was overreacting. It was so hard to even type my OP as my face was flushed just remembering. I don't think I've acted rashly as it's been a whole year almost since all this started happening. I will not do anything until I knew he was back in the country and in contact with my nephew again.

[Voxxkowalski]

As a young kid I was in the same situation as your nephew...and I had instances of predators attempting sordid things...I was alone and had nonoe looking out for me (except God of course)...your interest is commendable.

[Marya Dabrowski]

May 11, 2016 11:33:35 GMT -5 Voxxkowalski said:

As a young kid I was in the same situation as your nephew...and I had instances of predators attempting sordid things...I was alone and had nonoe looking out for me (except God of course)...your interest is commendable.

Thanks

[RitaMarita]

May 11, 2016 11:24:44 GMT -5 Marya Dabrowski said:

May 11, 2016 10:52:04 GMT -5 RitaMarita said:

Well, it seems as if there are two possibilities...

The man could be honest and goodhearted, and in that case saying something might cause more trouble than its worth.  

Yet, the man could also be a wierdo.

Probably the best thing to do is be on your guard, keep an eye out, but not say anything until you are more sure that there is something wrong with him.

I have known good people to be judged falsely, and if your sister truly trusts him so much, maybe talk to her if you are worried.  Be completely open with her, and she should be able to calm your fears by telling you why she trusts him so much.  Maybe he has shown himself to be a man of good character time and time again...

Hope this helps!  

Keep fighting the good fight and may God bless you!

Thank you for your thoughts. I was mostly concerned because I don't think at the time my sister could have known him that well, having only met him months before. And, just like classic case, she's working and busy sometimes.

Makes sense...

I will be praying for you and everyone involved in the situation...

[Clotilde]

Have you talked to your mother about your concerns in detail? If your mother is the kind of person that can be careful about these delicate matters, I suggest you talk things over with her. Did you speak to your husband on the matter? 

Generally speaking, if you are having alarm bells go off, there is probably a reason. If there was a way to discreetly find out more information about this man and how he came to be affiliated with your sister? You might also be able to find other people who know them and get a read on what they might think of him. 

Just a warning though, if you are incorrect, you have the potential to damage a reputation beyond repair. I know of this happening to a completely innocent man and his good name was destroyed, so there is always that to consider. 

[Voxxkowalski]

May 11, 2016 13:15:52 GMT -5 Clotilde said:

Have you talked to your mother about your concerns in detail? If your mother is the kind of person that can be careful about these delicate matters, I suggest you talk things over with her. Did you speak to your husband on the matter? 

Generally speaking, if you are having alarm bells go off, there is probably a reason. If there was a way to discreetly find out more information about this man and how he came to be affiliated with your sister? You might also be able to find other people who know them and get a read on what they might think of him. 

Just a warning though, if you are incorrect, you have the potential to damage a reputation beyond repair. I know of this happening to a completely innocent man and his good name was destroyed, so there is always that to consider. 

any legit good man would understand her concerns if confronted. If he dissembles...is nervous...lashes out...or lies...he is a threat.

[Clotilde]

May 11, 2016 13:45:46 GMT -5 Voxxkowalski said:

May 11, 2016 13:15:52 GMT -5 Clotilde said:

Have you talked to your mother about your concerns in detail? If your mother is the kind of person that can be careful about these delicate matters, I suggest you talk things over with her. Did you speak to your husband on the matter? 

Generally speaking, if you are having alarm bells go off, there is probably a reason. If there was a way to discreetly find out more information about this man and how he came to be affiliated with your sister? You might also be able to find other people who know them and get a read on what they might think of him. 

Just a warning though, if you are incorrect, you have the potential to damage a reputation beyond repair. I know of this happening to a completely innocent man and his good name was destroyed, so there is always that to consider. 

any legit good man would understand her concerns if confronted. If he dissembles...is nervous...lashes out...or lies...he is a threat.

I agree. I don't think this sounds like a good situation all around. I wouldn't confront a man, at least not by myself, if I did not have to. 

[mundacormeum]

I don't have any good advice beyond what has already been given, but I will gladly pray for your nephew and the situation to work out in his best interests.

[Voxxkowalski]

May 11, 2016 15:07:18 GMT -5 Clotilde said:

May 11, 2016 13:45:46 GMT -5 Voxxkowalski said:

any legit good man would understand her concerns if confronted. If he dissembles...is nervous...lashes out...or lies...he is a threat.

I agree. I don't think this sounds like a good situation all around. I wouldn't confront a man, at least not by myself, if I did not have to. 

No a man should do any confronting...I agree.

[chestertonian]

i would cut this strange man off from contacting the child. Sounds very concerning.