Vanna
New Member
Posts: 46 
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Post by Vanna on Apr 30, 2016 18:42:11 GMT -5
My children are sweet, obedient, kind people. I truly can't complain. They do everything we ask of them...but man, they are terrible workers. Everything they do is done at a snail's pace. They don't complain but they act like they can just hardly continue with the horrible ordeal of lifting their arms and moving their legs to complete a task. It will literally take my oldest 5 hours to mow our "not large" yard. It will take my youngest hours to pick up his room. It's crazy.
We accept responsibility for their laziness as we haven't pushed them to work harder but its beginning to really irritate me. My father had no sons and my mom and sister were not built for outside work (they both would end up in the ER if they walked within a 5 mile radius of poison ivy). I am made of tougher stock so helping Dad fell to me. In short, I know how to work. We had wood stoves so if we wanted to be warm in the winter, we chopped wood. Physically taxing work and I was a pro. My kids would have froze to death. I can't imagine how long it would have taken them to cut, load and unload a truck full of wood ( a decade?!).
Anyone else have this problem with their kids? Or anyone have ideas on how to get them MOVING? Besides a cattle prod...but don't think I haven't considered it.
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Post by Voxxkowalski on Apr 30, 2016 19:51:52 GMT -5
I have a 21 year old living in my attic...I want to beat him with a stick...thats all Im going to say. I think alot of our problems can be traced to our degenerate society and the messages that over power parental influences.
I am not at all lazy and I work my Arse off and they know this...so I cant say Ive given a poor example (their mother works very hard too)
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Vanna
New Member
Posts: 46
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Post by Vanna on Apr 30, 2016 20:04:32 GMT -5
Btw..I think I should add why I'm posting this now...my husband has given me free reign on the subject. My husband always felt that they had natural punishment for being so slow...as in, their punishment was having to work for 5 hours when they could have been done in 1. I get that and always supported that. But this situation has progressed to where even he is like "wow. they are not good workers." He travels so I will be the one implementing this most of the time. My husband is methodical worker but still moves with a purpose...let me paint a picture...
Let's say we have a broken toaster. We would like to see if it can be fixed...
1. Me - I smash open the toaster with a hammer. Jam the wires around. Get frustrated. Drop kick it off the back porch while cursing it under my breath. Done. Whole process took 3 minutes. (yes I know the toaster is still broke but whatever....done.)
2. Husband - Slowly takes it apart. Takes pictures of the inside. Tests the wires...figures out where the problem is. Chooses the right tools for the job (read...not a hammer) and within an hour, we have a working toaster...and no cursing. Clearly the better method.
3. The children - Stare at the toaster. Talk about what they need to do to fix it. Go to the garage to get tools...get distracted. End up playing basketball for an hour. Come back in...are suprised when you remind them about the toaster (like they had no idea the toaster was broke). Discuss possible toaster issues. Decide to look up "how to fix a toaster"...get distracted...start googling "how to make a rocket from a broken toaster"...which leads them to think about rockets...more googling...more youtubing. Another reminder about toaster from Mom. They exchange a look that says "wow...she's a real task master". They decide to take it apart. Back to the garage for tools...oooh they found an old book about building a fort. They wonder if we have enough lumber to build one. They scout the backyard for locations. Etc etc etc. They are exhausted when they return. They exchange looks that say "Can you believe she is still going on about this toaster when we are obviously so tired?!" The toaster remains on the dining room table for a week before Mom smashes it with a hammer and drop kicks it off the back porch while cursing.
Do you see?!
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Post by Voxxkowalski on Apr 30, 2016 20:24:08 GMT -5
Btw..I think I should add why I'm posting this now...my husband has given me free reign on the subject. My husband always felt that they had natural punishment for being so slow...as in, their punishment was having to work for 5 hours when they could have been done in 1. I get that and always supported that. But this situation has progressed to where even he is like "wow. they are not good workers." He travels so I will be the one implementing this most of the time. My husband is methodical worker but still moves with a purpose...let me paint a picture... Let's say we have a broke toaster. We would like to see if it can be fixed... 1. Me - I smash open the toaster with a hammer. Jam the wires around. Get frustrated. Drop kick it off the back porch while cursing it under my breath. Done. Whole process took 3 minutes. (yes I know the toaster is still broke but whatever....done.) 2. Husband - Slowly takes it apart. Takes pictures of the inside. Tests the wires...figures out where the problem is. Chooses the right tools for the job (read...not a hammer) and within an hour, we have a working toaster...and no cursing. Clearly the better method. 3. The children - Stare at the toaster. Talk about what they need to do to fix it. Go to the garage to get tools...get distracted. End up playing basketball for an hour. Come back in...are suprised when you remind them about the toaster (like they had no idea the toaster was broke). Discuss possible toaster issues. Decide to look up "how to fix a toaster"...get distracted...start googling "how to make a rocket from a broken toaster"...which leads them to think about rockets...more googling...more youtubing. Another reminder about toaster from Mom. They exchange a look that says "wow...she's a real task master". They decide to take it apart. Back to the garage for tools...oooh they found an old book about building a fort. They wonder if we have enough lumber to build one. They scout the backyard for locations. Etc etc etc. They are exhausted when they return. They exchange looks that say "Can you believe she is still going on about this toaster when we are obviously so tired?!" The toaster remains on the dining room table for a week before Mom smashes it with a hammer and drop kicks it off the back porch while cursing. Do you see?! SO TRUELOL!  |
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Deleted
Past Member
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Post by Deleted on May 1, 2016 23:32:53 GMT -5
Depending on their age I would break down the work to small 10-15 minute tasks and then stay on top of them to get it done. Stand in the bathroom and WATCH them while they mop the floor or clean the toilet etc. My kids did not get to eat until their chores were done. I wrote out a list for them and they generally had from say 11-12 or 4-5 to get them done. No work no eat. Lunch was from 12 - 12:30, if you were not done with your work you missed it, tough luck, dinner is 5:30 - 6:15 better hurry up bud or you'll miss that too! Food is THE motivator for boys  Never had girls so not sure if that would work with them also. With that said, as adults although they KNOW how to work hard and fast, they do not always choose to do so! |
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Greg
Junior Member
Posts: 84 
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Post by Greg on May 2, 2016 10:18:14 GMT -5
I use a stick and carrot approach. Get the job done by x hours or you don't get to watch the movie, go bowling etc.
My 10 year old helped me weed the garden and lay some paving today we grafted for 3 hours in the morning. It is a public holiday in the UK. As a reward he was allowed to go to a friend's house trampolining for 2 hours. He also got served the largest steak at lunchtime before anyone else to re-enforce that the workers get special treatment.
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Post by mundacormeum on May 3, 2016 14:51:54 GMT -5
Our kids are good workers, but they are kids, after all....they still try to get out of doing work whenever they can, and do their best to get away with doing the smallest amount of work possible without getting in trouble. (They get that last part from me. My mantra in school was, "you know what the difference between an A student and an A+ student is? The person with an A+ did waayyy too much work"  ). Anyway, all that being said, there are a few things that I find work really well, if for my part I can manage to implement them with patience and consistency. Do they know what your expectations are for how well a task should be completed and how long it should take? If not, explain it to them and make sure they can understand it and repeat it to you. Teach them how to do the task by working along side them until they get it, if it is not up to scratch in your book. Are there reasonable consequences if they don't meet your expectations for standards and time requirements? Do they know what those consequences are? Are you consistent in following through with those consequences (this is the hardest one for me! My husband has to be my rock for this one). Do you check their work periodically? If something isn't done well, make them do it again until it is done well, even if they have to re-do it a dozen times. Do they earn privileges for being responsible with their work? Also, we will periodically have family meetings where we divide up the housework for everyone. The kids are allowed to give input, but ultimate decisons lie with their father. This helps them take ownership and responsibility for their chores around the home. Plus, they see that my husband and I are working with them and that it is part of family life for all of us to help ease the burden of the overall workload, and we are not simply slave drivers. It also helps them to know that I have their Dad's backing. I am the one who implememts things most of the time, too, but if they are slacking and lazy, and I tell my husband, he will step in and handle it. So, I can always use the "your Dad will be hearing about this!" line  Maybe you and your husband could discuss some ideas for consequences before hand, so you aren't caught off guard in the moment. That always gets me. If I don't have something ready to go, I always end up over-reacting or under-reacting, which is rarely effective. |
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Post by RitaMarita on May 4, 2016 6:28:07 GMT -5
I know that when I was a kid, I was often easily distracted...
It is a matter of training them, and getting them used to being responsible.
It takes time, but the earlier you start helping them, the more mature they will grow up to be.
It is a struggle, and is tough to always keep constant watch over them, but it will be worth all of your efforts!
Keep up the good work!
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Post by mundacormeum on May 4, 2016 13:01:59 GMT -5
I know that when I was a kid, I was often easily distracted... It is a matter of training them, and getting them used to being responsible. It takes time, but the earlier you start helping them, the more mature they will grow up to be. It is a struggle, and is tough to always keep constant watch over them, but it will be worth all of your efforts! Keep up the good work! Indeed! We just have to keep our hand to the plow. Kids all have different temperments and personalities, too. Some take more reminding and motivating than others, which is fine....they likely excel in other areas. I have one child that obeys right away, every time, no arguments....but, he's not so great with initiative. So, unless I specifically ask him to do something, it doesn't get done. His older sister, on the other hand, is the complete opposite. I've had to work really hard at being patient with getting her to understand why right away obedience is important for children, and why she shouldn't constantly question and argue with her Dad and me. But, on the days where I am struggling to get to everything, or if I'm sick, she is the first to notice I need help, and she gladly and willingly jumps in to help out. But, overall, I agree that we don't do them any favors by not training them to be hard-working and responsible, depsite how they feel about certain tasks. It's something that wasn't instilled in me as a child, and I now have a very hard time with self-discipline and laziness; whereas my husband was raised to be hard-working, and he does not have those same struggles that I do when it comes to work. |
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Post by RitaMarita on May 5, 2016 15:09:22 GMT -5
I know that when I was a kid, I was often easily distracted... It is a matter of training them, and getting them used to being responsible. It takes time, but the earlier you start helping them, the more mature they will grow up to be. It is a struggle, and is tough to always keep constant watch over them, but it will be worth all of your efforts! Keep up the good work! Indeed! We just have to keep our hand to the plow. Kids all have different temperments and personalities, too. Some take more reminding and motivating than others, which is fine....they likely excel in other areas. I have one child that obeys right away, every time, no arguments....but, he's not so great with initiative. So, unless I specifically ask him to do something, it doesn't get done. His older sister, on the other hand, is the complete opposite. I've had to work really hard at being patient with getting her to understand why right away obedience is important for children, and why she shouldn't constantly question and argue with her Dad and me. But, on the days where I am struggling to get to everything, or if I'm sick, she is the first to notice I need help, and she gladly and willingly jumps in to help out. But, overall, I agree that we don't do them any favors by not training them to be hard-working and responsible, depsite how they feel about certain tasks. It's something that wasn't instilled in me as a child, and I now have a very hard time with self-discipline and laziness; whereas my husband was raised to be hard-working, and he does not have those same struggles that I do when it comes to work. Indeed! Everyone is different! I think that this is part of the reason why God ordained for children to have a father and mother, often with different backgrounds. Together they can compensate for each other and at least one of them can usually understand what their child is going through and with the grace of God know how to help him. The struggle is real, but ever so worth it! Some people complain about parents spanking their kids. Yet, I will say that I am so grateful that my parents did so for me! I was such a rebellious little twerp! (...though most people who know me now don't believe the stories I tell...So, I guess there is hope for everyone!!!) |
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Never had girls so not sure if that would work with them also.
). Anyway, all that being said, there are a few things that I find work really well, if for my part I can manage to implement them with patience and consistency. Do they know what your expectations are for how well a task should be completed and how long it should take? If not, explain it to them and make sure they can understand it and repeat it to you. Teach them how to do the task by working along side them until they get it, if it is not up to scratch in your book. Are there reasonable consequences if they don't meet your expectations for standards and time requirements? Do they know what those consequences are? Are you consistent in following through with those consequences (this is the hardest one for me! My husband has to be my rock for this one). Do you check their work periodically? If something isn't done well, make them do it again until it is done well, even if they have to re-do it a dozen times. Do they earn privileges for being responsible with their work? 
Maybe you and your husband could discuss some ideas for consequences before hand, so you aren't caught off guard in the moment. That always gets me. If I don't have something ready to go, I always end up over-reacting or under-reacting, which is rarely effective. 