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Post by jen51 on Jun 14, 2016 13:52:21 GMT -5
We don't watch television in our house. We do have a TV, and we watch a movie every once in awhile. We're very choosy about the movies allowed in the house though.
Does anyone here keep their children away from Television? If so, what about when they are at someone's house. There are all sorts of disgusting commericials, even if the show that is playing is wholesome. What do you do in the situation where the television is playing at someone's house, and you don't want your child watching?
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Post by chestertonian on Jun 14, 2016 14:11:09 GMT -5
this happens sometimes mostly in doctors offices
thereare a lot of horrible commercials out there, also daytime tv is pretty horrible. pretty much any hour of the day really much of it is not at all appropriate for children, or anyone reallly. it's always the View
if it's not my tv, and i have no way of leaving, what can you do other than try to distract the child away from it. what we often do is bring an ipad with headphones for things like doctors office and hospital waiting rooms where the tv is always blaring. If he is going to look at a screen, it might as well be one with stuff that is age appropriate and not The View
as for children's television we don't actually have TV we have youtube netflix etc and there are some good shows on there that i don't mind my son watching. he can choose from approved kids shows and there are no commercials. while we do have time limits, they are generally stricter when i'm in the hospital vs when i'm at home and my wife and my mom have to put a significant amount of time into my medical care. for a long time when he was say, 2, 3, 4 he was really not so great at amusing himself and always looked to us to play with him all day long. only child problems. it's a lot to ask one kid to amuse himself in an apartment all day with no yard or friends or anything. now that he is almost 6 and can read little novels by himself we can say "GO READ A BOOK" and he will. so it is easier now. i am sure that if you have 6 kids, and a big yard you can probably have an easier time being screen free, all you have to do is say "GO PLAY OUTSIDE. NOW." but for us, it is helpful when you absolutely need them to focus on something other than you for a few minutes.
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Post by Clotilde on Jun 14, 2016 15:45:46 GMT -5
Pick your battles carefully with this.
I shut televisions off where I can. We sit so we cannot see them. Basically, we do everything on our part to avoid it.
If you help your child and future children form their conscience well and teach them to guard their eyes and ears, they can help each other, and if you teach them to do it gracefully and discreetly, all the better.
My grandmother moved in with my dad and she has many problems but one of them is that she has lost her filter regarding appropriate shows with children in the room. One solution we have is that my children will go outside, downstairs to the basement, or sit in the kitchen. My two oldest know that if she is watching something that isn't the weather channel, they need to find an excuse to leave the room. And they do, they will suggest a game, or to go for a walk. We aren't hanging out at the house all day so it isn't a big deal. I also change the channel when she leaves the room or shut the tv off. She does get that. She will also tell me if she has a show she wants to watch, so I know to plan something.
When the kids play a game, usually with my dad and I, we get loud, we laugh, and she usually leaves the room because she can't stand happiness so it has a way of working itself out. I treat her with kindness and respect, and we have found a happy medium. Dad knows how we feel so he just watches his sports stuff in his room and he actually protects the kids too. He isn't even a Catholic but he understands what I'm trying to do, even if he doesn't agree. I think that we've found a good balance of respect, and that is probably more edifying and less scandalous than an open family war.
If you tread thoughtfully and cautiously, you will find a happy middle ground. It just may take some adjustment on the part of your family and some learning of tact on your part. Maybe you are already tactful, but I was not as a new parent and I paid the price for that.
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Post by chestertonian on Jun 14, 2016 16:43:52 GMT -5
sports usually isn't so bad as long as there's no cheerleaders or halftime stuff
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Post by Clotilde on Jun 14, 2016 17:48:46 GMT -5
sports usually isn't so bad as long as there's no cheerleaders or halftime stuff It can easily be done if the TV is turned off during commercials, however, people who are desensitized might have a problem giving up control over the TV. |
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Post by jen51 on Jun 14, 2016 18:34:37 GMT -5
Clotilde, I dearly hope that the situation in our family ends as peacefully as yours has with the TV. I doubt that it will though. The TV is so sacred to my father that he won't even stay at our house when they come to visit because we don't have TV. He expects us to come over to their hotel room with our baby to visit while they are visiting. Is it just me, or is that... weird? I don't know how to have the conversation with him about reaching a television agreement, because he will be offended and defensive. We would settle for being in the same room while he's watching sports and maybe westerns (it's pretty much all he watches) and skipping commercials, but I know he will not take well to us wanting to skip commercials and will either refuse or make an issue out of it. I'm just happy to hear that others have had to strategize about this as well, and that we're not making too big of a deal out of it.
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Post by Clotilde on Jun 14, 2016 18:58:42 GMT -5
Clotilde, I dearly hope that the situation in our family ends as peacefully as yours has with the TV. I doubt that it will though. The TV is so sacred to my father that he won't even stay at our house when they come to visit because we don't have TV. He expects us to come over to their hotel room with our baby to visit while they are visiting. Is it just me, or is that... weird? I don't know how to have the conversation with him about reaching a television agreement, because he will be offended and defensive. We would settle for being in the same room while he's watching sports and maybe westerns (it's pretty much all he watches) and skipping commercials, but I know he will not take well to us wanting to skip commercials and will either refuse or make an issue out of it. I'm just happy to hear that others have had to strategize about this as well, and that we're not making too big of a deal out of it. Just as it takes time to find your place as a parent, it takes time for parents to adjust to you. My family members used to make fun of me for not watching TV, but as I learned to handle the situation better, they grew to respect our lifestyle. Some people easily fall into the habit of being at war with their families because they want their conversions so badly. Even when they patch things up and follow good advice, they eventually fall back into their old antagonistic ways. To sum it up: the fight about TV (or most other things) is not where to begin, we have to look into ourselves change, making other people want to know what makes us different, what animates us--make them want to be Catholic. This is where people go wrong, they make it about changing others. We all wish we could, I know. This may not be a pitfall with people here but I know so many who are miserable with their families. TV isn't the root cause, it is just a symptom. |
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Post by mundacormeum on Jun 14, 2016 20:29:57 GMT -5
If we are at a family memeber's house (mostly my side....my husband's family doesn't watch tv), and there is garbage on, we send the kids outside, or I will offer to play a board game with them in another room. Rather than make an issue with my family (I'm pretty terrible with confrontation), I just focus on redirecting my own kids. Same with electronic devices/video games at other people's houses (we don't have video games, and they only use the computer for educational stuff....occasionally they can play a non-educational game, but it has to be earned). My family are big into their electronics and TV, but they have caught on that we are choosy about what and how much our kids watch, and while they aren't that picky with their own kids, luckily they don't give me any grief about it. And they will usually check with me or my husband before putting a movie or game on for my kids. If we are at a restaraunt, we just remind the kids to not watch, and we conversate with our kids while we eat. I have asked a waitress to turn something off before, because it was so inappropirate, but she just changed the channel :/ why does TV have to be every.stinking.where?! Good thing we don't eat out much. We also don't have cable at our home, but we do have a TV and dvd/vcr set. Mine are watching right now...,atleast it's a saint movie  I go in phases where I am more lax about TV time (like early pregnancy, post-partum, husband traveling for many days, sickness), but for the most part we limit screen time. Some weeks the TV doesn't go on at all. We do the whole "freedom with boundaries" thing, by only keeping videos we approve of. That way they can pick whatever they want when we allow them to watch. We do have Netflix, too, but we definitely don't give them free reign there. The TV never goes on without permission, too. I also use it for school....latin lessons and drawing lessons. |
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Post by Clotilde on Jun 14, 2016 20:46:04 GMT -5
mundacormeumThat is almost our policy word for word. We allow video games (I will admit that I enjoy them as well) but there are sometimes weeks and weeks in between play. I actually feel bad when there are Catholic families who differ from us on these things. I just want to tell them that there are no hard feelings or judgements about what they are doing, that I respect their parental authority. I notice it can be very discouraging for other Catholics who thought they were doing well, and who are in a different place spiritually, temporally, or whatever if I, or anyone, make myself into a standard. I know that I don't want to be a cause of discouragement or worry for others. Too many mothers, fathers, converts, etc. , get overwhelmed and feel like they cannot live up to the private standards of others. I don't want to be the cause of that.
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Post by chestertonian on Jun 14, 2016 21:30:09 GMT -5
I like playing Wii games with my son. he will never play real sports with me and we rarely go on real life adventures so it is fun to do it sometimes in the virtual world. more like a bonding activit.
some video games are very helpful with spatial awareness and executive function skills Lots of OT's use them
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Post by jen51 on Jun 15, 2016 21:40:59 GMT -5
Clotilde, I dearly hope that the situation in our family ends as peacefully as yours has with the TV. I doubt that it will though. The TV is so sacred to my father that he won't even stay at our house when they come to visit because we don't have TV. He expects us to come over to their hotel room with our baby to visit while they are visiting. Is it just me, or is that... weird? I don't know how to have the conversation with him about reaching a television agreement, because he will be offended and defensive. We would settle for being in the same room while he's watching sports and maybe westerns (it's pretty much all he watches) and skipping commercials, but I know he will not take well to us wanting to skip commercials and will either refuse or make an issue out of it. I'm just happy to hear that others have had to strategize about this as well, and that we're not making too big of a deal out of it. Just as it takes time to find your place as a parent, it takes time for parents to adjust to you. My family members used to make fun of me for not watching TV, but as I learned to handle the situation better, they grew to respect our lifestyle. Some people easily fall into the habit of being at war with their families because they want their conversions so badly. Even when they patch things up and follow good advice, they eventually fall back into their old antagonistic ways. To sum it up: the fight about TV (or most other things) is not where to begin, we have to look into ourselves change, making other people want to know what makes us different, what animates us--make them want to be Catholic. This is where people go wrong, they make it about changing others. We all wish we could, I know. This may not be a pitfall with people here but I know so many who are miserable with their families. TV isn't the root cause, it is just a symptom. It does feel terrible being at odds with my family. Things were alright after I converted until conversations about child rearing came up. My husband and I have two different ways of communicating, and I think communications would have been uncomfortable but managable- but the big fight broke out while I was incapacitated in the hospital, and he had to be the spokesperson for our family in regards to some issues (mainly not wanting our children's pictures on Facebook- who would have thought that would start such a battle). While it would be nice that my parents would convert, it would take a miracle, and that is not my concern with them. We just want to know that they'll respect our wishes with our children. |
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Post by Clotilde on Jun 15, 2016 22:23:44 GMT -5
jen51, please don't think I was directing that at you. I am making no assumptions but going on some observations and experiences I have had, I was just musing on the topic a little. Sorry if it sounded that way. Yikes. I will try to be more clear when I think of it.
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Post by jen51 on Jun 16, 2016 6:37:55 GMT -5
jen51 , please don't think I was directing that at you. I am making no assumptions but going on some observations and experiences I have had, I was just musing on the topic a little. Sorry if it sounded that way. Yikes. I will try to be more clear when I think of it. No worries! I figured you were speaking on the topic in general. I really appreciate your input on subjects like this, as it's clear you have been there before and have learned a thing or two. Others as well. It's why I asked! It really is difficult knowing what to do in situations like these, and I think advice from others help us to keep things in the proper perspective. It's so easy to get wrapped up in how we feel, and honestly I don't feel the most kind towards them right now and that almost always clouds my judgment on how to approach situations the most charitably and prudently. It hasn't just been disagreements about TV and Facebook with my parents, but many other things. I agree that picking our battles is important, otherwise we would be battling during every interaction with them. I think my husband is finally coming around that that idea, too. If they annoy us, so what, just as long we are doing a proper job of guarding the souls of our children. |
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Post by mundacormeum on Jun 16, 2016 6:56:00 GMT -5
mundacormeum That is almost our policy word for word. We allow video games (I will admit that I enjoy them as well) but there are sometimes weeks and weeks in between play. I actually feel bad when there are Catholic families who differ from us on these things. I just want to tell them that there are no hard feelings or judgements about what they are doing, that I respect their parental authority. I notice it can be very discouraging for other Catholics who thought they were doing well, and who are in a different place spiritually, temporally, or whatever if I, or anyone, make myself into a standard. I know that I don't want to be a cause of discouragement or worry for others. Too many mothers, fathers, converts, etc. , get overwhelmed and feel like they cannot live up to the private standards of others. I don't want to be the cause of that. I know what you mean. It's a hard line to walk sometimes. And I've been on both sides of it, at one point or another. While it is a good thing to discuss family tactics and standards with other Catholics, and to give and seek out advice; we just have to be careful not to judge or compare ourselves to others, and rather focus on making the best decision for our own individual circumstances. Which I think is particularly hard for women. To a certain degree, there isn't always much you can do....no matter how charitable you are, or how much you tell people that something is just a decision you have decided works well for your own family, some people will still always see the negative side (I have to work really hard against doing this). Plus, concupiscence. But really, in matters of things that are morally neutral, the Church, in Her great wisdom, gives us quite a wide range in which to decide how we will live our lives. How does that saying go? In doctrine, unity; in opinion, liberty; in all things, charity. |
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I go in phases where I am more lax about TV time (like early pregnancy, post-partum, husband traveling for many days, sickness), but for the most part we limit screen time. Some weeks the TV doesn't go on at all. We do the whole "freedom with boundaries" thing, by only keeping videos we approve of. That way they can pick whatever they want when we allow them to watch. We do have Netflix, too, but we definitely don't give them free reign there. The TV never goes on without permission, too. I also use it for school....latin lessons and drawing lessons.