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Post by Marya Dabrowski on Jun 8, 2016 13:35:40 GMT -5
What do you do when your company's child is misbehaving? I know I need to just ignore it but maybe I could get good advice here.
Last night we had a nice family over, eight children, many things in common with us. Most of their children are well behaved except their five year old daughter. She one of the middle children and a very pretty girl. The last time they were over their mom had to chase her around the house a few times (which the girl thought was funny) threatening her with empty threats begging her to listen.
I made a casserole that my kids all ate, no complaints, even the picky ones. Their children all ate very well, besides her. The parents had told me before hand she likes to be "a stinker." So she immediately asks for milk, which none of the other children have. I say, "After you eat some food." Her mom gives her milk. Then she eats two pieces of bread and another drink of milk. Then she takes one bite when she's told she won't get dessert if she "doesn't eat five bites." They give her dessert along with the other kids. Then she comes back and asks for more dessert later. All the time she has a look on her face like she knows exactly what she's doing.
It's really nothing big, just irritating, but wondering if someone has a great technique for times things like this happen. Another thing is I know it's the parents causing this. Do you say something, stay away, give them more than they want?...
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Post by Clotilde on Jun 9, 2016 6:41:22 GMT -5
Sometimes parents give into their kids more than they would like outside home so they can avoid conflict and then there are issues that come up with disciplining a child outside home. Maybe they just want to be out and have a good time and have a break from the struggle of a difficult child.
I don't say anything because usually it's just a phase and a visit is just a snapshot of whatever people are going through, I don't want to add to their burden. Though, honestly, if no one had milk at the table I would have told her that we were not having milk with dinner tonight and suggested she take a drink of her water.
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Post by Marya Dabrowski on Jun 9, 2016 7:56:36 GMT -5
Sometimes parents give into their kids more than they would like outside home so they can avoid conflict and then there are issues that come up with disciplining a child outside home. Maybe they just want to be out and have a good time and have a break from the struggle of a difficult child. I don't say anything because usually it's just a phase and a visit is just a snapshot of whatever people are going through, I don't want to add to their burden. Though, honestly, if no one had milk at the table I would have told her that we were not having milk with dinner tonight and suggested she take a drink of her water. Thanks, you are probably right. I should have ignored her or just said, "Go ask your mom what she thinks". Anyway...I really have a hard time with impertinent children, always have, and especially in my own house. Thankfully I dont' see too many of them, which is another reason I should have just ignored it. I wonder sometimes if I am going to dislodge a filling! |
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Post by Voxxkowalski on Jun 9, 2016 9:49:00 GMT -5
I had this problem with a nephew when he was small...his parents completely did zero discipline. Every family function was stressed. |
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Post by chestertonian on Jun 9, 2016 10:46:17 GMT -5
i agree with this.... not my circus, not my monkeys
also sounds pretty typical of a 5 year old. i dont see what is wrong with asking for milk, sounds like a pretty normal request for a kid. most non vegan households have some in the fridge. now if she asked you to make her a White Russian, i might be concerned.
also going to another family's house can be kind of intimidating for some kids. Always was for me. i mean...i had dietary issues so often food options were limited but as a family, we rarely ate out and my mother always made my lunches and food, so other peoples'coooking was always suspect. you're out of your element and there can sometimes be a lot of pressure to pretend that you like someone's freakylooking casserole, with squishy things in it you can't identify, and rubbery textures, and ::shuddder: my son is 5 and dislikes most casseroles, i think for this reason....say you have chicken, vegetablse, potatoes....he loves all individual ingredients but put them together in a casserole and all of the sudden, it's questionable. and it sounds like the parents are not making it any easier by turning eating into a power struggle.
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Post by mundacormeum on Jun 9, 2016 12:50:35 GMT -5
I try not to correct other people's children if their parents are around, unless they are doing something potentially harmful or going into a room in my home that is off limits (like my bedroom or the pantry/fridge). If the child directly asks me for sometihng, I would either give them the same answer I would give my own child (no, you may not have milk right now. Would you like some water?), or I would say, "you need to go ask your Mom or Dad about that."
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Post by RitaMarita on Jun 9, 2016 19:00:38 GMT -5
What do you do when your company's child is misbehaving? I know I need to just ignore it but maybe I could get good advice here. Last night we had a nice family over, eight children, many things in common with us. Most of their children are well behaved except their five year old daughter. She one of the middle children and a very pretty girl. The last time they were over their mom had to chase her around the house a few times (which the girl thought was funny) threatening her with empty threats begging her to listen. I made a casserole that my kids all ate, no complaints, even the picky ones. Their children all ate very well, besides her. The parents had told me before hand she likes to be "a stinker." So she immediately asks for milk, which none of the other children have. I say, "After you eat some food." Her mom gives her milk. Then she eats two pieces of bread and another drink of milk. Then she takes one bite when she's told she won't get dessert if she "doesn't eat five bites." They give her dessert along with the other kids. Then she comes back and asks for more dessert later. All the time she has a look on her face like she knows exactly what she's doing. It's really nothing big, just irritating, but wondering if someone has a great technique for times things like this happen. Another thing is I know it's the parents causing this. Do you say something, stay away, give them more than they want?... I was a governess for a couple of years after I turned eighteen, and have seen a lot of undisciplined children... The key factor is the kid's parents. If his parents want him to be disciplined, one is free to do so, but otherwise there is not really much a person can do. It is so tough to just have to sit and watch! So, here is a story you might find funny... There is a lady I know who had a rather hard birth with her last child and as a result will not be able to carry more than a pound of weight for the remainder of her life. Well, one day I was at a restaurant with the mother, her children, and a few others from our chapel. The youngest girl was trying to run all over the place, and her mother did not have the strength to hold her. So, I intervene and held her on my lap. She started kicking and flailing her arms, and so I pinned them down with my arms. Then she started screaming in the middle of the restaurant! I managed to keep her pinned on my lap with one hand and cover her mouth with my other hand. It was sort of a funny situation to be in at a restaurant, but it kept her from making a huge scene, and the mother was so grateful to have my help. Eventually I carried her to the bathroom while she was kicking and with my mouth still covering her mouth and had a talk with her. (I felt like I was kidnapping her, while everyone was watching!) She did calm down though, and the rest is history.  |
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Post by Marya Dabrowski on Jun 10, 2016 0:11:38 GMT -5
i agree with this.... not my circus, not my monkeys also sounds pretty typical of a 5 year old. i dont see what is wrong with asking for milk, sounds like a pretty normal request for a kid. most non vegan households have some in the fridge. now if she asked you to make her a White Russian, i might be concerned. also going to another family's house can be kind of intimidating for some kids. Always was for me. i mean...i had dietary issues so often food options were limited but as a family, we rarely ate out and my mother always made my lunches and food, so other peoples'coooking was always suspect. you're out of your element and there can sometimes be a lot of pressure to pretend that you like someone's freakylooking casserole, with squishy things in it you can't identify, and rubbery textures, and ::shuddder: my son is 5 and dislikes most casseroles, i think for this reason....say you have chicken, vegetablse, potatoes....he loves all individual ingredients but put them together in a casserole and all of the sudden, it's questionable. and it sounds like the parents are not making it any easier by turning eating into a power struggle. Probably most 5 year olds in general but not 5 year olds I'm around. My three year old knows if they don't eat their food, they don't get dessert. My two year old knows if he doesn't come when I tell him and he gives me attitude about it, he might get a swat on his bottom. Most parents are aware that if a kid fills up on bread and milk, they are less likely to eat their real supper. Most children are bright enough to see that if Sally gets bread and milk and doesn't have to eat her meal, I'm going to remember that next meal I don't care to try. It's also not fair...if Sally doesn't have to eat and still gets dessert and more dessert, why in the world should I have to eat my food! I'm going to remember that next meal, too. So there are reasons it's irritating. |
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Post by Marya Dabrowski on Jun 10, 2016 0:12:17 GMT -5
What do you do when your company's child is misbehaving? I know I need to just ignore it but maybe I could get good advice here. Last night we had a nice family over, eight children, many things in common with us. Most of their children are well behaved except their five year old daughter. She one of the middle children and a very pretty girl. The last time they were over their mom had to chase her around the house a few times (which the girl thought was funny) threatening her with empty threats begging her to listen. I made a casserole that my kids all ate, no complaints, even the picky ones. Their children all ate very well, besides her. The parents had told me before hand she likes to be "a stinker." So she immediately asks for milk, which none of the other children have. I say, "After you eat some food." Her mom gives her milk. Then she eats two pieces of bread and another drink of milk. Then she takes one bite when she's told she won't get dessert if she "doesn't eat five bites." They give her dessert along with the other kids. Then she comes back and asks for more dessert later. All the time she has a look on her face like she knows exactly what she's doing. It's really nothing big, just irritating, but wondering if someone has a great technique for times things like this happen. Another thing is I know it's the parents causing this. Do you say something, stay away, give them more than they want?... after I turned eighteen, and have seen a lot of undisciplined children... The key factor is the kid's parents. If his parents want him to be disciplined, one is free to do so, but otherwise there is not really much a person can do. It is so tough to just have to sit and watch! So, here is a story you might find funny... There is a lady I know who had a rather hard birth with her last child and as a result will not be able to carry more than a pound of weight for the remainder of her life. Well, one day I was at a restaurant with the mother, her children, and a few others from our chapel. The youngest girl was trying to run all over the place, and her mother did not have the strength to hold her. So, I intervene and held her on my lap. She started kicking and flailing her arms, and so I pinned them down with my arms. Then she started screaming in the middle of the restaurant! I managed to keep her pinned on my lap with one hand and cover her mouth with my other hand. It was sort of a funny situation to be in at a restaurant, but it kept her from making a huge scene, and the mother was so grateful to have my help. Eventually I carried her to the bathroom while she was kicking and with my mouth still covering her mouth and had a talk with her. (I felt like I was kidnapping her, while everyone was watching!) She did calm down though, and the rest is history. Now I know why you're so patient!!! |
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Post by Clotilde on Jun 10, 2016 7:00:34 GMT -5
i agree with this.... not my circus, not my monkeys also sounds pretty typical of a 5 year old. i dont see what is wrong with asking for milk, sounds like a pretty normal request for a kid. most non vegan households have some in the fridge. now if she asked you to make her a White Russian, i might be concerned. also going to another family's house can be kind of intimidating for some kids. Always was for me. i mean...i had dietary issues so often food options were limited but as a family, we rarely ate out and my mother always made my lunches and food, so other peoples'coooking was always suspect. you're out of your element and there can sometimes be a lot of pressure to pretend that you like someone's freakylooking casserole, with squishy things in it you can't identify, and rubbery textures, and ::shuddder: my son is 5 and dislikes most casseroles, i think for this reason....say you have chicken, vegetablse, potatoes....he loves all individual ingredients but put them together in a casserole and all of the sudden, it's questionable. and it sounds like the parents are not making it any easier by turning eating into a power struggle. Probably most 5 year olds in general but not 5 year olds I'm around. My three year old knows if they don't eat their food, they don't get dessert. My two year old knows if he doesn't come when I tell him and he gives me attitude about it, he might get a swat on his bottom. Most parents are aware that if a kid fills up on bread and milk, they are less likely to eat their real supper. Most children are bright enough to see that if Sally gets bread and milk and doesn't have to eat her meal, I'm going to remember that next meal I don't care to try. It's also not fair...if Sally doesn't have to eat and still gets dessert and more dessert, why in the world should I have to eat my food! I'm going to remember that next meal, too. So there are reasons it's irritating. Mine know if they pull that, the won't get anything, including dessert. I will even let them see the bad child get a reward from their parents and tell them they aren't getting their reward and why. They will go to bed with a hungry tummy if they pull a stunt like that. It's different if we are traveling though, I give them much more leeway when they are out of their element. Personally, I don't like to punish them if other people are trying to get involved, I'm more likely to let them get away with more if people are trying to interfere. Some of my in-laws are helicopter parents so I instantly become the most permissive parent ever when they are around. |
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Post by chestertonian on Jun 10, 2016 7:41:33 GMT -5
yeaha i definitelsee whatyouare sayingabout the need for consistency. however, behaviors such as asking for milk at dinner (seems reasonable and normal to me) and not wanting to eat other peoples' cooking are both typical from a child development standpoint. i see no issue with allowing a child milk before dinner, and would not agree that "most parents" would see an issue with it. at the end of heday its just a glass of milk
as for the "eat dinner and then you get dessert" game, we are a sugar free house (plus no other refined carbohydrates) and i grew up in a sugar free house, so the motivation to eat was never tied to the reward of dessert. for most healthy children, the "dvssion of responsibility" model works well. Basically, the parent is responsible for what the child eats, when the child eats it, and where the child eats, and the child is responsible for how much food he will eat, and whether he will eat at all. no power struggle, no "five more bites" nonsense, everyone's role in the process is well defined.
when we have given my son dessert (which is usually limited to birthdays and feast days) we usually tell him he has to eat X amount of fiber grams and X amount of protein grams in order to be able to have it, but we don't tie it to eating a specific meal or cleaninng his plate. he is like a walking encyclopedia of nutrition info these days
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