|
|
Post by jen51 on May 28, 2016 8:15:47 GMT -5
Ever since having a little one around I have been woefully distracted. To a certain degree I do believe this is good and necessary, for in this I am fulfilling the duties in my state in life by being concerned about the care of my child. I do understand that there is a certain lenience towards mothers in regards to prayers and devotion in the spiritual life, as too much time spent there would hinder you from fulfilling your duties in life towards the family.
However, my distractions seem to go beyond my duties, and I am having a terribly difficult time reigning them in. When she was first born, it seemed like ALL of my attention had to be focused there, and since then I have had a hard time focusing on anything spiritual. I'm distracted in my prayers, I often neglect my prayers even when I am able to get to them because my mind goes elsewhere, and the most grievous of all is my wandering mind during Mass. I catch myself doing it so often, and I try to reign myself back in, but it seems to be a constant problem recently. At first my distractions always leaned towards my baby. "Is she going to start crying? I wonder if she's hungry? She hasn't napped in 2 hours- oh no! She's not going to sleep tonight! Is it just me or is her diaper kind of smelly, I wonder if I should go change her".... and on and on. Now that I've started to get the hang of this motherhood thing, my distractions have branched out to any number of things. It started with the coming of the baby though, and has not recovered.
Do any of you mothers struggle with this? Or if you did and do not anymore, how were you able to train yourself out of it? I've dealt with distractions in my spiritual life forever, it's a perennial problem for most people I think. But this is a whole new level.
|
|
|
|
Post by mundacormeum on May 28, 2016 9:29:31 GMT -5
It's a constant struggle! It's not just you  . I have a book titled, 'Holiness for Housewives', which has been very helpful in this area. It helps you to redirect your attitudes towards duties and prayers. The prayer life that a mother is called to is not that of a nun. No big deal, both states in life are a path to holiness....the balance of action to contemplation is just applied differently. Hormonally, your brain is going to snuggle with focus. It's ok....be patient with yourself. Plus, what we do is so incredibly physically demanding, that even if I do have 30 minutes by myself, I have trouble with mental clarity. That's ok, too. During the week, I get up before my kids, so I have time to pray and have a cup of coffee....MANY mornings, I just can't focus on prayer. So, I put my prayer book aside, sit in my chair, and tell God: this is all I can manage today. Please fill me with grace to accomplish what you want me to accomplish. Fill the gaps for me." Then, I stare at the wall for half an hour I read a story about a saint once....not sure who. She was a wife and mother. One day, she kept trying to pray. But, everytime she did, the distractions and demands of her children kept interrupting her. Each time they did, she set her prayer book down and tended to the distraction. After many attempts, she finally had a small chunk of time to pray....when she opened her prayer book, the letters were written in gold. So, God was letting her know that her efforts were blessed, and her time was well spent. St. Paul says to pray always. If, no matter what we do, we offer it to God - the dishes, the diapers, the never ending interruptions, the distracted prayer time ("God, I really, really want to pray, but I'm so distracted. I offer this cross to you. Turn it into something better....make me more beautiful to you today, than I was yesterday") - then we all we do becomes a form of prayer, even if it isn't "formal prayer words." Just keep asking Our Lady to make you into the woman God wants you to be, and never give up, and you will be fine. It's a constant battle and it's hard. Oh, in Mass...ask your Guardian Angel to pray for you when you are distracted. Also, maybe a journal would help. Keep it by you. When your thoughts distract you, write them down. Then, continue in prayer. Getting things out of my own head leaves more room for prayerful thoughts. |
|
|
|
Post by Clotilde on May 28, 2016 11:01:28 GMT -5
Great thread. Does it really serve any purpose to compare ourselves in one state of life to another? Maybe we do this to ourselves because we see single people and maybe even hear all about, if we are so unfortunate, the extent of their prayer life. Thus we might fall into a habit of being unjust to ourselves. Maybe we remember our past life and we are making it seem better than it was. We are talking apples and oranges here. (I've stopped writing four times so far; someone got sick on the carpet and I made two trips to the laundry machine). I think my prayer life was different when I was single but maybe it wasn't as pleasing to God in some ways. (Ok, just had to stop and make a phone call and cancel plans, see how this goes?) Where was I going with this? To put it simply, I thought when I was single that I was soaring pretty high, some of that was probably my lack of wisdom and maybe a little bit of pride. Ok, maybe a lot. (Just had like four conversations with the kids.) (One of the other kids now says he's sick.) As you can see, I cannot even carry on a conversation without interruption. My kids are behaving and they are not interrupting me in any way that is rude. You can't shut off everything around you and when your mind is in mother mode, it is hard to shut that off too. I can't tell you the last time I was able to focus on mass. I just make it a point to shut my eyes and thank God for a second, during which someone might make a tiny noise and offend an old person, so it's only a brief moment. These things are my own standards thought that I am judging and comparing, not God's standards. I try to remember that I am doing all of this (the Trad Life) because I love Our Lord. I'm sure He looks at the whole thing differently and how importantly so because He's the Judge. Not me! As for the prayer life of a mother, our work is our prayer. Today's mother also has to live in a society that hates mothers, wives, and their children. Everything from expectation of perfection in all areas, to CPS, and even down to who we might think are our allies--our fellow Catholics, are often a source of stress and cause us to constantly be hyper-vigilant. So there is that too. Who can clear their mind for prayer when there are all of these factors? I'm probably quoting this wrong but forgive me if you've heard it "I haven't time, Dear Lord, to storm Heaven's gates, so I'll set the table and wash the plates." I console myself that I will have time when I'm old to pray and contemplate, that this is just a season of life. Someday I will have my act together. |
|
|
|
Post by jen51 on May 28, 2016 17:30:45 GMT -5
It's a constant struggle! It's not just you . I have a book titled, 'Holiness for Housewives', which has been very helpful in this area. It helps you to redirect your attitudes towards duties and prayers. The prayer life that a mother is called to is not that of a nun. No big deal, both states in life are a path to holiness....the balance of action to contemplation is just applied differently. Hormonally, your brain is going to snuggle with focus. It's ok....be patient with yourself. Plus, what we do is so incredibly physically demanding, that even if I do have 30 minutes by myself, I have trouble with mental clarity. That's ok, too. During the week, I get up before my kids, so I have time to pray and have a cup of coffee....MANY mornings, I just can't focus on prayer. So, I put my prayer book aside, sit in my chair, and tell God: this is all I can manage today. Please fill me with grace to accomplish what you want me to accomplish. Fill the gaps for me." Then, I stare at the wall for half an hour I read a story about a saint once....not sure who. She was a wife and mother. One day, she kept trying to pray. But, everytime she did, the distractions and demands of her children kept interrupting her. Each time they did, she set her prayer book down and tended to the distraction. After many attempts, she finally had a small chunk of time to pray....when she opened her prayer book, the letters were written in gold. So, God was letting her know that her efforts were blessed, and her time was well spent. St. Paul says to pray always. If, no matter what we do, we offer it to God - the dishes, the diapers, the never ending interruptions, the distracted prayer time ("God, I really, really want to pray, but I'm so distracted. I offer this cross to you. Turn it into something better....make me more beautiful to you today, than I was yesterday") - then we all we do becomes a form of prayer, even if it isn't "formal prayer words." Just keep asking Our Lady to make you into the woman God wants you to be, and never give up, and you will be fine. It's a constant battle and it's hard. Oh, in Mass...ask your Guardian Angel to pray for you when you are distracted. Also, maybe a journal would help. Keep it by you. When your thoughts distract you, write them down. Then, continue in prayer. Getting things out of my own head leaves more room for prayerful thoughts. Thankyou for the encouragement, Munda. I think I will get that book you mentioned- I think it would be very beneficial to me. I like that story about that saint- I had not heard that one before, but it is an edifying story. I do find myself praying informal prayers through the day- talking to God on the go. |
|
|
|
Post by jen51 on May 28, 2016 17:44:38 GMT -5
Great thread. Does it really serve any purpose to compare ourselves in one state of life to another? Maybe we do this to ourselves because we see single people and maybe even hear all about, if we are so unfortunate, the extent of their prayer life. Thus we might fall into a habit of being unjust to ourselves. Maybe we remember our past life and we are making it seem better than it was. We are talking apples and oranges here. (I've stopped writing four times so far; someone got sick on the carpet and I made two trips to the laundry machine). I think my prayer life was different when I was single but maybe it wasn't as pleasing to God in some ways. (Ok, just had to stop and make a phone call and cancel plans, see how this goes?) Where was I going with this? To put it simply, I thought when I was single that I was soaring pretty high, some of that was probably my lack of wisdom and maybe a little bit of pride. Ok, maybe a lot. (Just had like four conversations with the kids.) (One of the other kids now says he's sick.) As you can see, I cannot even carry on a conversation without interruption. My kids are behaving and they are not interrupting me in any way that is rude. You can't shut off everything around you and when your mind is in mother mode, it is hard to shut that off too. I can't tell you the last time I was able to focus on mass. I just make it a point to shut my eyes and thank God for a second, during which someone might make a tiny noise and offend an old person, so it's only a brief moment. These things are my own standards thought that I am judging and comparing, not God's standards. I try to remember that I am doing all of this (the Trad Life) because I love Our Lord. I'm sure He looks at the whole thing differently and how importantly so because He's the Judge. Not me! As for the prayer life of a mother, our work is our prayer. Today's mother also has to live in a society that hates mothers, wives, and their children. Everything from expectation of perfection in all areas, to CPS, and even down to who we might think are our allies--our fellow Catholics, are often a source of stress and cause us to constantly be hyper-vigilant. So there is that too. Who can clear their mind for prayer when there are all of these factors? I'm probably quoting this wrong but forgive me if you've heard it "I haven't time, Dear Lord, to storm Heaven's gates, so I'll set the table and wash the plates." I console myself that I will have time when I'm old to pray and contemplate, that this is just a season of life. Someday I will have my act together. I suppose it does no good to compare my prayer life pre-marriage/children to now- I had not thought of it that way. I haven't heard that. "I haven't time, Dear Lord, to storm Heaven's gates, so I'll set the table and wash the plates." I really like it! Yes, dishes- there are so many! Maybe I'll get a dishwasher someday, but probably not. That's ok. I agree with you about society hating mothers. I haven't recieved much scorn yet, but I'm sure once that 3rd child comes along (God willing) I'll get an ear full. I've recieved quite a bit of scorn for staying home, though. Not so much now, but before I was pregnant. My husband insisted that I not work outside of the home, and he worked extra hours and took another job. EVERYONE had something to say about how lazy I was for not taking a job. It wasn't laziness, but obedience (That's a very naughty word to the modern woman)! I worked very hard at home in the garden and learning new skills to be a more sufficient homemaker. I think we did the right thing. It drove my mother up the wall. |
|
|
|
Post by Marya Dabrowski on May 28, 2016 20:10:49 GMT -5
It's a constant struggle! It's not just you . I have a book titled, 'Holiness for Housewives', which has been very helpful in this area. It helps you to redirect your attitudes towards duties and prayers. The prayer life that a mother is called to is not that of a nun. No big deal, both states in life are a path to holiness....the balance of action to contemplation is just applied differently. Hormonally, your brain is going to snuggle with focus. It's ok....be patient with yourself. Plus, what we do is so incredibly physically demanding, that even if I do have 30 minutes by myself, I have trouble with mental clarity. That's ok, too. During the week, I get up before my kids, so I have time to pray and have a cup of coffee....MANY mornings, I just can't focus on prayer. So, I put my prayer book aside, sit in my chair, and tell God: this is all I can manage today. Please fill me with grace to accomplish what you want me to accomplish. Fill the gaps for me." Then, I stare at the wall for half an hour I read a story about a saint once....not sure who. She was a wife and mother. One day, she kept trying to pray. But, everytime she did, the distractions and demands of her children kept interrupting her. Each time they did, she set her prayer book down and tended to the distraction. After many attempts, she finally had a small chunk of time to pray....when she opened her prayer book, the letters were written in gold. So, God was letting her know that her efforts were blessed, and her time was well spent. St. Paul says to pray always. If, no matter what we do, we offer it to God - the dishes, the diapers, the never ending interruptions, the distracted prayer time ("God, I really, really want to pray, but I'm so distracted. I offer this cross to you. Turn it into something better....make me more beautiful to you today, than I was yesterday") - then we all we do becomes a form of prayer, even if it isn't "formal prayer words." Just keep asking Our Lady to make you into the woman God wants you to be, and never give up, and you will be fine. It's a constant battle and it's hard. Oh, in Mass...ask your Guardian Angel to pray for you when you are distracted. Also, maybe a journal would help. Keep it by you. When your thoughts distract you, write them down. Then, continue in prayer. Getting things out of my own head leaves more room for prayerful thoughts. I think this was St. Frances of Rome. She was trying to read her Bible but (as I remember) her husband kept interrupting her but everytime she cheerfully went and attended to his needs. When she came back the fourth time, the sentence she was trying to finish was now gold. jesus-passion.com/FrancisRome.htm |
|
|
|
Post by mundacormeum on May 28, 2016 20:33:21 GMT -5
Thank you for the clarifications, Marya . I'm terrible at remembering details! |
|
|
|
Post by RitaMarita on Jun 2, 2016 8:31:59 GMT -5
I think that God allows us to be so easily distracted in order to help keep us humble... So, as weird as it may sound, it could sort of be considered as a blessing... |
|
. I have a book titled, 'Holiness for Housewives', which has been very helpful in this area. It helps you to redirect your attitudes towards duties and prayers. The prayer life that a mother is called to is not that of a nun. No big deal, both states in life are a path to holiness....the balance of action to contemplation is just applied differently. Hormonally, your brain is going to snuggle with focus. It's ok....be patient with yourself. Plus, what we do is so incredibly physically demanding, that even if I do have 30 minutes by myself, I have trouble with mental clarity. That's ok, too. During the week, I get up before my kids, so I have time to pray and have a cup of coffee....MANY mornings, I just can't focus on prayer. So, I put my prayer book aside, sit in my chair, and tell God: this is all I can manage today. Please fill me with grace to accomplish what you want me to accomplish. Fill the gaps for me." Then, I stare at the wall for half an hour 
