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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2017 11:20:44 GMT -5
I am struggling with a tough situation and could use some advice. I would ask my family, but with all of them being novus ordo they would be most likely to just brush it off... So, I thought that I would ask you all since many of you have children and probably have some good counsel for me that you would give to yours... Some of my friends recently convinced me to sign up for Catholic Match... Now, I am the sort of person to be extremely cautious concerning making close acquaintances from over the internet in general, but my friends all talked to me about it separately without knowing the others had and this made me wonder whether maybe God had a reason why I should. So I joined the site after visiting my best childhood friend, who met her husband on there, and them both convincing me that God sometimes likes to use the means around us to accomplish His Will. Anyways... There is a person from this site who has been messaging me, and wants to talk to me over Skype and get to know me better. He says that he converted last year around Easter, and that this was primarily because of the Tridintine/Latin Mass. Yet, it has been a year and he still has never even been to a traditional Mass. He also wants to settle in Tennessee where there is not a really good place to attend Mass. My biggest deal-breaker is the Mass, and I would rather never marry than lose access to the Sacraments. This causes me to have reservations, especially since I know that once I give my heart to someone it is often hard for me to let go. So, I have told him that until he holds a firm opinion about the Mass, and that I agree with him, I am not open to taking any further steps besides simple communication with him. He responded by saying that I am just being stubborn, and wants to talk it all through face to face over the computer. I feel kind of like a jerk, but don't want to get into a situation that I will get wrapped into and regret later on down the road. So, any thoughts and comments are greatly appreciated. Everyone here has given you good advice to not get involved with this fellow. My advice is to never compromise, ever. This man is calling you names -- calling you 'stubborn'! No respect at all for you, I see. Flee from him immediately if you haven't already!
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Post by RitaMarita on Feb 21, 2017 12:19:51 GMT -5
I am struggling with a tough situation and could use some advice. I would ask my family, but with all of them being novus ordo they would be most likely to just brush it off... So, I thought that I would ask you all since many of you have children and probably have some good counsel for me that you would give to yours... Some of my friends recently convinced me to sign up for Catholic Match... Now, I am the sort of person to be extremely cautious concerning making close acquaintances from over the internet in general, but my friends all talked to me about it separately without knowing the others had and this made me wonder whether maybe God had a reason why I should. So I joined the site after visiting my best childhood friend, who met her husband on there, and them both convincing me that God sometimes likes to use the means around us to accomplish His Will. Anyways... There is a person from this site who has been messaging me, and wants to talk to me over Skype and get to know me better. He says that he converted last year around Easter, and that this was primarily because of the Tridintine/Latin Mass. Yet, it has been a year and he still has never even been to a traditional Mass. He also wants to settle in Tennessee where there is not a really good place to attend Mass. My biggest deal-breaker is the Mass, and I would rather never marry than lose access to the Sacraments. This causes me to have reservations, especially since I know that once I give my heart to someone it is often hard for me to let go. So, I have told him that until he holds a firm opinion about the Mass, and that I agree with him, I am not open to taking any further steps besides simple communication with him. He responded by saying that I am just being stubborn, and wants to talk it all through face to face over the computer. I feel kind of like a jerk, but don't want to get into a situation that I will get wrapped into and regret later on down the road. So, any thoughts and comments are greatly appreciated. Everyone here has given you good advice to not get involved with this fellow. My advice is to never compromise, ever. This man is calling you names -- calling you 'stubborn'! No respect at all for you, I see. Flee from him immediately if you haven't already! Thank you, Alex! I did tell him off, he got mad, and was like, "I don't want to talk to you anymore. Goodbye!" So, I was like, "Okay. No worries. I wish you well." Then he kept writing back every so often when in a completely different mood. One time it would be, "I was kind of a jerk, will you give me a second chance" The next time it would be, "You know what, I don't think we should talk after all." Back and forth and back and forth. I was consistently cordial each time no matter what he said telling him that he needs to figure out where he stands concerning the Faith before considering dating any traditional Catholic girl. But, that if he had any questions about the Faith I could answer them. The wishy-washiness is quite ridiculous, almost like something from a movie! Poor guy... I can't help but not take him seriously.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2017 14:37:17 GMT -5
Everyone here has given you good advice to not get involved with this fellow. My advice is to never compromise, ever. This man is calling you names -- calling you 'stubborn'! No respect at all for you, I see. Flee from him immediately if you haven't already! Thank you, Alex! I did tell him off, he got mad, and was like, "I don't want to talk to you anymore. Goodbye!" So, I was like, "Okay. No worries. I wish you well." Then he kept writing back every so often when in a completely different mood. One time it would be, "I was kind of a jerk, will you give me a second chance" The next time it would be, "You know what, I don't think we should talk after all." Back and forth and back and forth. I was consistently cordial each time no matter what he said telling him that he needs to figure out where he stands concerning the Faith before considering dating any traditional Catholic girl. But, that if he had any questions about the Faith I could answer them. The wishy-washiness is quite ridiculous, almost like something from a movie! Poor guy... I can't help but not take him seriously. All the flip-flopping in this man's attitude toward you may appear to be wishy-washy, but it really reveals him to be a psycho. That's why it seems so movie-like, because it's not normal. And there's more: he is using your kindly, pleasant personality against you. I'm looking at this from the outside, so I can already see stalker tendencies in this man. If you have ever felt even the slightest bit of angst or discomfort when you see he has sent you a message, then you are already sensing something is wrong. This is why you asked us on the forum about this weirdo. I hope you'll cut off all communication with him immediately. If he wants to learn about the Catholic faith, he can read a book. He'll use any excuse to keep communicating with you. Sorry to have to be so firm, SenoritaRita! But I worry a bit about this situation. And I hope you find a really good man to marry...the old-fashioned way has been through people/families you know. Prayers for you-
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Post by RitaMarita on Feb 21, 2017 19:42:18 GMT -5
Thank you, Alex! I did tell him off, he got mad, and was like, "I don't want to talk to you anymore. Goodbye!" So, I was like, "Okay. No worries. I wish you well." Then he kept writing back every so often when in a completely different mood. One time it would be, "I was kind of a jerk, will you give me a second chance" The next time it would be, "You know what, I don't think we should talk after all." Back and forth and back and forth. I was consistently cordial each time no matter what he said telling him that he needs to figure out where he stands concerning the Faith before considering dating any traditional Catholic girl. But, that if he had any questions about the Faith I could answer them. The wishy-washiness is quite ridiculous, almost like something from a movie! Poor guy... I can't help but not take him seriously. All the flip-flopping in this man's attitude toward you may appear to be wishy-washy, but it really reveals him to be a psycho. That's why it seems so movie-like, because it's not normal. And there's more: he is using your kindly, pleasant personality against you. I'm looking at this from the outside, so I can already see stalker tendencies in this man. If you have ever felt even the slightest bit of angst or discomfort when you see he has sent you a message, then you are already sensing something is wrong. This is why you asked us on the forum about this weirdo. I hope you'll cut off all communication with him immediately. If he wants to learn about the Catholic faith, he can read a book. He'll use any excuse to keep communicating with you. Sorry to have to be so firm, SenoritaRita! But I worry a bit about this situation. And I hope you find a really good man to marry...the old-fashioned way has been through people/families you know. Prayers for you- When put in that light, I see the danger of corresponding at all with him. I will tell him of book and places to look up and then tell him to figure the rest out on his own. Thanks for the advice, Alex! I will admit, the whole "Catholic Match" thing was not really down my alley to begin with. I did it more because of pressure from a number of friends. There really are not many, if any, people who are solid traditional Catholics there. I actually just closed my account today. I am not too worried... If God wants me to marry, He will work everything out. And if not, He certainly knows what is best for me!
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Post by Deleted on Feb 22, 2017 12:41:11 GMT -5
All the flip-flopping in this man's attitude toward you may appear to be wishy-washy, but it really reveals him to be a psycho. That's why it seems so movie-like, because it's not normal. And there's more: he is using your kindly, pleasant personality against you. I'm looking at this from the outside, so I can already see stalker tendencies in this man. If you have ever felt even the slightest bit of angst or discomfort when you see he has sent you a message, then you are already sensing something is wrong. This is why you asked us on the forum about this weirdo. I hope you'll cut off all communication with him immediately. If he wants to learn about the Catholic faith, he can read a book. He'll use any excuse to keep communicating with you. Sorry to have to be so firm, SenoritaRita! But I worry a bit about this situation. And I hope you find a really good man to marry...the old-fashioned way has been through people/families you know. Prayers for you- When put in that light, I see the danger of corresponding at all with him. I will tell him of book and places to look up and then tell him to figure the rest out on his own. Thanks for the advice, Alex! I will admit, the whole "Catholic Match" thing was not really down my alley to begin with. I did it more because of pressure from a number of friends. There really are not many, if any, people who are solid traditional Catholics there. I actually just closed my account today. I am not too worried... If God wants me to marry, He will work everything out. And if not, He certainly knows what is best for me! Thank you for not feeling I was being too firm with you! I'm breathing a sigh of relief that you closed your account; I see that you're using your wisdom instead of conceding to friends' pressure -- I'm so glad! Your faith in God's plan for you is an example for others~ -Alex
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Post by RitaMarita on Feb 22, 2017 20:25:26 GMT -5
When put in that light, I see the danger of corresponding at all with him. I will tell him of book and places to look up and then tell him to figure the rest out on his own. Thanks for the advice, Alex! I will admit, the whole "Catholic Match" thing was not really down my alley to begin with. I did it more because of pressure from a number of friends. There really are not many, if any, people who are solid traditional Catholics there. I actually just closed my account today. I am not too worried... If God wants me to marry, He will work everything out. And if not, He certainly knows what is best for me! Thank you for not feeling I was being too firm with you! I'm breathing a sigh of relief that you closed your account; I see that you're using your wisdom instead of conceding to friends' pressure -- I'm so glad! Your faith in God's plan for you is an example for others~ -Alex You were definitely not too firm! It was just what I needed to keep me on track! I am very grateful that you were not afraid to tell me what you thought! Rita
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Post by kim on Feb 23, 2017 3:30:55 GMT -5
This guy sounds like he could be a potential stalker--especially with the manipulative back and forth comments.
If you are interested---there is a convent here with only one sister and I think she gets lonely. They were hoping for more sisters. Just a thought.
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Post by RitaMarita on Feb 23, 2017 8:38:56 GMT -5
This guy sounds like he could be a potential stalker--especially with the manipulative back and forth comments. If you are interested---there is a convent here with only one sister and I think she gets lonely. They were hoping for more sisters. Just a thought. Thanks appreciate the suggestion, Kim. Yet... I almost joined a order of nuns about 3 1/2 years ago, but after talking it over with my confessor I came to understand that I do not have a vocation to the religious life. That being said, I will pray that the sister find others to be with her! God bless! Rita
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