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Post by jen51 on Jul 9, 2017 21:48:07 GMT -5
In the recipe recommendation thread thread there is some discussion about prepping meals the night before for the sake of efficiency. I recently started doing this and it has been a game changer for me. I wish I would have been smart enough to figure that out long before now, and it also makes me wonder what other tricks make the home run more smoothly day to day. Honestly I feel like I'm drowning in the area of efficiency at home, as the house never seems to be as orderly and well kept as I wish it to be. One book on Catholic family life that I was reading said a mother should make sure her home runs smoothly and efficiently, like a well oiled clock (or something like that). Right now I feel like my days are a whole sequence of messes, mishaps and juggling acts. At the end of the day I clean up the wreckage to do it again the next day.
I know there are some seasoned mothers here. I'm hoping you'll share with me some of your strategies to make your home run smoothly. I'm all ears. Or eyes.
One thing that I have to do if I don't want to start the next day defeated is have the dishes done and the counters cleared.
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Post by mundacormeum on Jul 10, 2017 16:30:34 GMT -5
With really little kids, who cannot yet help around the house, the best thing is to limit their stuff. Either box up all of their playthings by type, and rotate through them every few weeks (I've done that and it works really well); or, just get rid of stuff (I purge often). You'll go through seasons of a nicely kept home and utter chaos. You just have to learn to ride the waves, and ask for advice and encouragement when you need it. Let others help you, if help is available. Maintaining a home by yourself is a tremendous task. It'll wear you down and burn you out. I realize this is a cross some of us just have to carry, but still....it's very hard. So, you have to really prioritize, and reasses often. Life is ever changing with a growing family. Needs change; priorities shift. Besides meals, showers, and laundry, what are your top 3 things you need done at the end of the day to feel at peace? What are your husband's? Those are you focus points....your daily goals. If you can, make sure those get done. Anything else is gravy. Pregnancy and post-partum usually mean you won't get to them. Try not to hyperventilate too much over the mess in those times . Practically speaking.....flylady. I find her system to work best for me. She developed a system that rotates through your entire home in a month, and it includes decluttering and deep cleaning, when and if needed. So, if you miss something one month for whatever reason, it comes back around again. The idea is eventually you get to maintenance mode, rather than just putting fires out all the time. Generally, it works well. She basically made a list of everything that needed to be done in each room of her house for it to be kept clean and neat, then divided the house up into 5 zones, and works in each zone for one week a month (obviously, one of those weeks is not a complete week). She works from her list and does 15-30 minutes a day in that zone, plus a brief weekly surface tidy of the main rooms of the house. There's other, daily components, too, to keep things from spiraling out of control. Her website lays everything out really well. Sorry if you already know all this...just ignore it if you are familiar with It already. Also, a good routine/schedule is a great tool for busy moms, especially as more kids enter the family, plus school. You need a plan of attack (see above), and then a time to implement that plan. I developed my schedule using two books: Mothers a Rule of Life" and "Managers of their Home". Neither one of the are by traditional Catholics, but the practical aspects they layout for developing a schedule that works for your famiily were very helpful. They were the only books I could find that approached very concrete, practical scheduling techniques from a 'large homeschooling family' perspective. I'd be interested if anyone has any books to recommend in that vein. Also, I would encourage any young moms to start playing around with sample homeschool schedules for various different family size scenarios. That way you have atleast something to work with before you have a bunch of kids. Figuring it out as you go is pretty stressful.....I wish I had known better and set things up and planned a little more in advanced. Not that you can control everything; and sometimes you can plan things out to the most minute detail, and life totally goes a different direction. But, I don't know...it's nice to have some general idea atleast of how you want your daily life to look in practice. Finally, if you try various tips and advice for awhile and find its not working....that's ok. Try again until you find what works. Like, meal prep. I've tried all the prep ahead stuff, and it just doesn't work for me. I don't know why. But, I can't for the life of me prep the night before....it's too stressful for me. I meal plan and have a system, and it works for us, so that's good enough for me
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Post by Marya Dabrowski on Jul 10, 2017 17:47:35 GMT -5
There are lots of little things that can help. I put hooks under my sinks and keep a cleaning rag there for the innumerable spills and marks in both the bathrooms or kitchen. It saves time not having to walk to the laundry room each time for a rag. Almost every time I go into the bathroom I wipe down the sink and possibly the mirrors. Keep extra bags under the garbage bag in the container. Brown 5 or 10 pounds of hamburger at one time and then cool it and divide it up into 1 pound amounts. Put in ziplock bags to freeze. It makes cooking faster by just grabbing it out already browned. You can do this with chicken also. Have a jar or list of "Friday Afternoon" jobs. We have a light homework day on Friday because sometimes we have activities out of the home, so Friday afternoon is heavy cleaning day. Once you take out a slip put it into a different jar so all jobs are done at some point. Once you have a few kids this is possible to accomplish in one month. I have a list for certain dates on Fridays. For example. Last Friday was a number between 1 and 7 so everyone chose a room and dusted and cleaned the inside windows. I told them to pick a room you didn't do last month. My kids like watching Youtubes so they have to earn their screen time. My son is obsessed with little league world series right now so if he wants to watch 30 minutes he has to clean, weed, wash, or till for 30 minutes. I know there is a book called " Large Family Logistics" that was written specifically for home school moms of large families.
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Post by Clotilde on Jul 10, 2017 22:50:38 GMT -5
In the recipe recommendation thread thread there is some discussion about prepping meals the night before for the sake of efficiency. I recently started doing this and it has been a game changer for me. I wish I would have been smart enough to figure that out long before now, and it also makes me wonder what other tricks make the home run more smoothly day to day. Honestly I feel like I'm drowning in the area of efficiency at home, as the house never seems to be as orderly and well kept as I wish it to be. One book on Catholic family life that I was reading said a mother should make sure her home runs smoothly and efficiently, like a well oiled clock (or something like that). Right now I feel like my days are a whole sequence of messes, mishaps and juggling acts. At the end of the day I clean up the wreckage to do it again the next day. I know there are some seasoned mothers here. I'm hoping you'll share with me some of your strategies to make your home run smoothly. I'm all ears. Or eyes. One thing that I have to do if I don't want to start the next day defeated is have the dishes done and the counters cleared. What were you reading that said such? Homes can be well run but still have an element of chaos and disorder. Many times these things are written by outsiders looking in or people who thrive off of running their lives by the clock. Some people are miserable with a regimented lifestyle. There are few exceptions, but I know a lot of Catholic families, large families, and homeschoolers. I can only think of one family with a clean home that appears to run smoothly. Again, everyone puts on a company face. You have to think about where your priorities lie. You can't have everything all of the time. I know that magazines and media depict perfection and idealized homes, but they are not real. I will try to give an example: I know a person who is highly regimented, does a great job organizing various things for her brood, but in exchange she gives up cleanliness, time to improve specific homemaking skills, and is stressed out all of the time. Have you ever ever seen those college triangles that say: good grades, sleep, or social life, pick two? Homemaking can be like somewhat like that. There is no magic formula. You also have to take into account your skills and temperament. I personally know that I can improve in some areas but am I really likely to completely change? No. I can strive toward betterment but I know that in the long run, what is important to me will get the most of my attention. More later...
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Post by Marya Dabrowski on Jul 11, 2017 7:39:49 GMT -5
You have to think about where your priorities lie. You can't have everything all of the time. I know that magazines and media depict perfection and idealized homes, but they are not real. I will try to give an example: I know a person who is highly regimented, does a great job organizing various things for her brood, but in exchange she gives up cleanliness, time to improve specific homemaking skills, and is stressed out all of the time. Have you ever ever seen those college triangles that say: good grades, sleep, or social life, pick two? Homemaking can be like somewhat like that. I was given a decoration that hangs in my kitchen which says "Good Moms have sticky floors, dirty ovens and happy kids". If we are spending every second cleaning and our kids also, there is no time for reading to your kids, campfires, etc... I have relatives who always have a clean house with their large family. I will just say you can't have that without something being taken away.
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Post by mundacormeum on Jul 11, 2017 9:04:03 GMT -5
Clotilde, I think you bring up a good point. I think it is wise to have reasonable expectations for ourselves, taking into consideration our state and circumstances. There's some variant as to exactly what that will be from person to person, family to family. So, while I do think it is beneficial and helpful for Moms to have some sort of plan/schedule for managing the cleaning, meals, school, etc....I agree that extreme rigidity is dangerous. Virtue lies in the balance between two extremes. I think we should aim for a healthy balance between rigidity and laxness. On the one hand, order, discipline, cleanliness, self-control, etc...are all things recommended by the Church and Her saints for holiness. On the other, as wives, part of our goal is to provide a home that is a respite from the harshness of the world. It needs to have a certain level of laid back comfort, homey-ness, and ease of living.
Temperaments definitely come into play, as well. Personally, I can't stand clutter and dirt/grit on the bottom of my feet. I don't mind the kids making messes and enjoying the boisterousness of large family-life....it's a joy to watch them interact. But, it needs to be picked up when they are finished. I can't relax at the end of the day if the house is cluttered with toys, games, books, dirty dishes, messy floors, etc.... In my kids, I notice that some naturally gravitate towards orderliness and organization; while others could care less about a messy room and folded clothes. So, keeping a reasonably clean/tidy house is a good way for family members to cooperate, sacrifice their own preferences, and learn to yield to the needs of others. I try to teach my kids that the most vulnerable members of the family get tended to first. Toddlers go on that list, and I find they do better with a few simple rules and an easy to remember routine. Mine tend to be calmer and more manageable when they know what to expect next. So, that doesn't meat at 1:51, PRECISELY!, is naptime, and that's final! Rather, it means, they know that after lunch, it's rest time. After rest time, they can have a snack. Lunch may be anywhere from 11 to 1, but the routine is similar each day. Your schedule should serve you; you should not be a slave to your schedule.
So, yes, run your home well, but it need not look like a Martha Stewart catalogue or even be very Pinterest worthy.....mine most certainly isn't. But, I do have the "a place for everything, and everything in its place" rule. I need that for my sanity.
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Post by Clotilde on Jul 11, 2017 21:02:07 GMT -5
I had a post earlier but got distracted and deleted it... trying again: I think we tend to judge ourselves on ideals that we have formed from magazines, photos, and past standards. Now, it is true that we have many modern conveniences which give us more free time. Not everyone has all of these things. Today's Catholic homemaker is generally making do with one income that is not liveable. She cannot hire help. Household help that was common in the past is now regulated by laws in some cases. In the past women were able to hire housekeepers, launderers, cooks, nannies, gardeners, and every other form of hired help. They had more free time. The had families, younger sisters or single aunts who could help them out after a birth or, in other words for free. They had mothers to teach them skills from a young age so they did not have to waste time learning them as adults, just so they could save money and do things themselves. They had relatives who could watch little ones so they could shop or tidy up for a holiday. Making do on one income, especially one that is not liveable for a large family requires lots of planning for money saving and time to do things that save money in the long run. It takes a lot of time to buy fabric, deal with a fussy sewing machine that few people know how to fix, sew a stack of diapers in various sizes, change a baby with a cloth diaper, and then wash and fold diapers. This may save money, but other things will have to go undone. thats just one example. Mothers had the support of parochial schools. They didn't have to teach catechism, The Crisis, or apologetics. They didn't have to worry about traveling two hours every Sunday with a bag of cloth diapers and a fussy baby. Someone would watch the baby so Mom could walk or take a five minute drive to mass. Their children went to school every day from 8-3, they were not home to make a mess. They didn't have to learn 15 state required subjects and Mom certainly didn't have to submit homeschooling papers to the state or administer a standardized test. Moms didn't have to worry every minute about being caught on YouTube or social service showing up a thread their door. They had the freedom to let the kids run around free and do what they needed to do or to engage in socializing. Face to face socializing at that! They didn't live in perpetual fear or like they were walking on eggshells. They didn't have to check all of the boxes and do everything right. On top of that, having more than two children was normal. Society didn't treat them like lepers! So, maybe your house and mine are not quite up to par in terms of cleanliness, but we are dealing with a lot of pressure. Something has to give. I'd rather type this post than fold a pile of laundry, it will just grow back overnight always. No one has died and no one will be harmed if I don't do it right this minute.
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Post by mundacormeum on Jul 11, 2017 21:28:05 GMT -5
Clotilde, you hit the nail on the head! My husband and I have been having a very similar discussion over the past week. I recently had a burnout meltdown, and in trying to brainstorm ways to help ease my burdens, we realized....there kind of isn't a lomg-term solution. there is no one to help me (us) through this. This is our cross. I often think it is, in some way, a punishment/repurcission from the feminist movement of past generations. We are suffering the consequences of their "freedom". We manage as best we can, and I hope God will bless our efforts. I also hope that in teaching my children how to manage a family and home, they will have an easier time than I have, and that they will be able to live close to each other, help each other out, and raise their own families together, if that is what God wills for them. P.S. I have MOUNDS of laundry awaiting me in the morning . Indeed, some things have to give . I'll be heading to the back patio now, to enjoy a glass of wine and a conversation with my husband, now that the kids are in bed
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Post by jen51 on Jul 11, 2017 21:41:28 GMT -5
Clotilde, you hit the nail on the head! My husband and I have been having a very similar discussion over the past week. I recently had a burnout meltdown, and in trying to brainstorm ways to help ease my burdens, we realized....there kind of isn't a lomg-term solution. there is no one to help me (us) through this. This is our cross. I often think it is, in some way, a punishment/repurcission from the feminist movement of past generations. We are suffering the consequences of their "freedom". We manage as best we can, and I hope God will bless our efforts. I also hope that in teaching my children how to manage a family and home, they will have an easier time than I have, and that they will be able to live close to each other, help each other out, and raise their own families together, if that is what God wills for them. P.S. I have MOUNDS of laundry awaiting me in the morning . Indeed, some things have to give . I'll be heading to the back patio now, to enjoy a glass of wine and a conversation with my husband, now that the kids are in bed I'm sorry, Munda. I had a meltdown last week. It wasn't pretty. I wish we were neighbors so we could lend each other a hand when we can tell we've reached boiling point! Enjoy your wine and your husband. I agree, we as a society are reaping what was sewn. My hope is like yours, that our children will be able to raise their children in a good Catholic community environment, with the help of family and friends. We are working towards that, and if all works out, we will be moved and living in close community with a few families of the same mindset. PS I just switched over the last load of laundry of the day. The laundry room is bad. So bad. I'm hoping to tackle that one tomorrow night.
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Post by jen51 on Jul 11, 2017 21:54:12 GMT -5
Clotilde, your post, though a pitiful reality, is very encouraging because it helps me not to feel so bad. There's just not enough time and energy for one woman to do it all and do it all well. You are so right. Thankyou for such a great post.
It's true. My husband works like crazy. He just went back to work for his fourth shift of the day. He started at 6:30 am, and will end at 2 am. There are no relatives around to help, no friends either. No help, ever. Those CPS Devils. I had the scare of my life yesterday. I answered the door to a lady carrying a black portfolio, escorted by a cop. I was sure it was the CPS. I don't know if it was or not, but I was relieved when I was able to tell them they had the wrong house. Cloth diapers. I hate them and I love them.
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Post by jen51 on Jul 11, 2017 22:12:37 GMT -5
You have to think about where your priorities lie. You can't have everything all of the time. I know that magazines and media depict perfection and idealized homes, but they are not real. I will try to give an example: I know a person who is highly regimented, does a great job organizing various things for her brood, but in exchange she gives up cleanliness, time to improve specific homemaking skills, and is stressed out all of the time. Have you ever ever seen those college triangles that say: good grades, sleep, or social life, pick two? Homemaking can be like somewhat like that. I was given a decoration that hangs in my kitchen which says "Good Moms have sticky floors, dirty ovens and happy kids". If we are spending every second cleaning and our kids also, there is no time for reading to your kids, campfires, etc... I have relatives who always have a clean house with their large family. I will just say you can't have that without something being taken away. Lol, Marya. My oven is bad. So bad. But that means I use it everyday, and my family is well fed! I agree, for a busy mother to have such a clean house, something else must be sacrificed. Not long after posting this thread my husband came home from work to a messy house and a strung out wife. I felt awful about it and kept apologizing. I explained to him that when I get to put the baby down, instead of cleaning I often choose to love on my toddler, and spend that time solely focused on her because I can tell she feels insecure about all the attention I give to the baby. He told me he was happy I had my priorities straight and to stop worrying about the house. What a kind man. Thankyou ladies for both your practical suggestions and your reassurance and advice. I'll say prayers for you all tonight.
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Post by Lynne on Jul 12, 2017 10:40:28 GMT -5
I'll pray for all of you mothers with little ones in the house...wait, mine is 25 and still in the house but she's very good about limiting her messes just to her room.
Oh and my house is still a mess so I've got no one to blame but myself (and my husband).
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Post by Clotilde on Jul 12, 2017 12:11:21 GMT -5
I'll pray for all of you mothers with little ones in the house...wait, mine is 25 and still in the house but she's very good about limiting her messes just to her room. Oh and my house is still a mess so I've got no one to blame but myself (and my husband). If the king is happy, you've made a home and done your duty.
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Post by jen51 on Jul 12, 2017 12:16:28 GMT -5
I'll pray for all of you mothers with little ones in the house...wait, mine is 25 and still in the house but she's very good about limiting her messes just to her room. Oh and my house is still a mess so I've got no one to blame but myself (and my husband). Thankyou, Lynne! My house was definitely not a prize winner before children, either. I think the difference now is that it gets out of control so fast. Before I could spend 1/2 a day cleaning and be good to go for a couple weeks.
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Post by Lynne on Jul 12, 2017 13:01:22 GMT -5
I'll pray for all of you mothers with little ones in the house...wait, mine is 25 and still in the house but she's very good about limiting her messes just to her room. Oh and my house is still a mess so I've got no one to blame but myself (and my husband). If the king is happy, you've made a home and done your duty. That's a very good point. My husband is not someone who expects Martha-Stewart-like levels of cleanliness and I'm thankful for that. I do need to step up my game, though, as the house used to be cleaner. I'm on a mission to purge "stuff".
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