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Post by thejovialinquisitor on Jun 27, 2016 22:36:42 GMT -5
I just looked into it more, this tv station is a friggen gold-mine:
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JOKES!!!
Jun 28, 2016 5:07:08 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by Voxxkowalski on Jun 28, 2016 5:07:08 GMT -5
If you could have any superpower in the world which would it be? Id Take Russia right now.
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Post by RitaMarita on Jun 28, 2016 17:55:59 GMT -5
If you could have any superpower in the world which would it be? Hmm... Does the following count as a super power??? The power of being so virtuous that it becomes contagious to everyone who meets you or even sees you, and makes them desire to live better lives.
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Post by Voxxkowalski on Jun 28, 2016 18:06:29 GMT -5
Did you get the punch line?
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Post by Marya Dabrowski on Jun 30, 2016 0:41:54 GMT -5
A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom pessimist.
Just to see what would happen, on the twins' birthday their father loaded the pessimist's room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist's room he loaded with horse manure.
That night the father passed by the pessimist's room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.
"Why are you crying?" the father asked.
"Because my friends will be jealous, I'll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I'll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken." answered the pessimist twin.
Passing the optimist twin's room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure. "What are you so happy about?" he asked.
To which his optimist twin replied, "There's got to be a pony in here somewhere!"
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Post by RitaMarita on Jul 11, 2016 20:09:57 GMT -5
As I was taking a walk with my daughter one day, I noticed something green in her hair. To my disbelief I pulled out a piece of lettuce from her hair. “Whoa!” she exclaimed, “is there anything else in there?” she asked. “Oh no!” I joked. “That was just the tip of the Iceberg!”
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Post by Marya Dabrowski on Jul 13, 2016 7:14:35 GMT -5
MOSES AND JESUS PLAYING GOLF
Moses, Jesus, and an old bearded man were out playing golf one day.
Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. It landed in the fairway
but rolled directly toward a water trap. Quickly, Moses raised his club,
the water parted and it rolled to the other side safe and sound.
Next, Jesus strolls up to the tee and hits a nice long one directly toward
the same water trap. It landed directly in the center of the pond and
kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and
chipped it up onto the green.
The old man is next. He takes a whack at the ball and it flies toward the pond. Just before getting there, it hits a little stone and bounces out over the
water and onto a lily pad where it rested quietly. Suddenly, a very large
bullfrog jumped up on the lily pad and snatched the ball into his mouth.
Just then, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog and flew away.
As they passed over the green, the frog squealed with fright and dropped
the ball which bounced right into the hole for a beautiful hole-in-one.
Moses turned to Jesus and said, "I hate playing with your dad."
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Post by RitaMarita on Jul 13, 2016 7:30:24 GMT -5
MOSES AND JESUS PLAYING GOLF Moses, Jesus, and an old bearded man were out playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. It landed in the fairway but rolled directly toward a water trap. Quickly, Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side safe and sound. Next, Jesus strolls up to the tee and hits a nice long one directly toward the same water trap. It landed directly in the center of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped it up onto the green. The old man is next. He takes a whack at the ball and it flies toward the pond. Just before getting there, it hits a little stone and bounces out over the water and onto a lily pad where it rested quietly. Suddenly, a very large bullfrog jumped up on the lily pad and snatched the ball into his mouth. Just then, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog and flew away. As they passed over the green, the frog squealed with fright and dropped the ball which bounced right into the hole for a beautiful hole-in-one. Moses turned to Jesus and said, "I hate playing with your dad." Lots of laughter... I must admit that I was confused about who the old man could be at first!
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Post by RitaMarita on Jul 29, 2016 20:03:07 GMT -5
My little sister showed this to me, and I thought that it would give you all a good laugh... Attachments:
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Post by Voxxkowalski on Aug 2, 2016 20:20:29 GMT -5
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Post by Marya Dabrowski on Aug 3, 2016 7:00:42 GMT -5
A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded rural area of the state he lived in.
After spending the night, his grandfather prepared breakfast for him consisting of eggs and bacon. He noticed a film like substance on his plate and he questioned his grandfather, "are these plates clean?"
His grandfather replied, "Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them, so go on and finish your meal".
That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks around the edge of his plate and a substance that looked like dried egg yokes, so he ask again, "Are you sure these plates are clean"?
Without looking up from his hamburger, the grandfather says, "I told you before; those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't ask me about it anymore!"
Later that afternoon, he was on his way out to get dinner in a nearby town. As he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl and wouldn't let him pass so he said, "Grandfather, your dog won't let me out".
Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV his grandfather shouted, "Cold Water, Go lay down!"
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Post by RitaMarita on Aug 3, 2016 17:23:54 GMT -5
My Dad used to quote a similar one where symbol 1 was woman, symbol 2 was roof, and symbol 1 twice with symbol 2 was the chinese word for trouble... (ie...two women under the same roof = trouble...) ;-)
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Post by RitaMarita on Aug 3, 2016 17:24:49 GMT -5
A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded rural area of the state he lived in. After spending the night, his grandfather prepared breakfast for him consisting of eggs and bacon. He noticed a film like substance on his plate and he questioned his grandfather, "are these plates clean?" His grandfather replied, "Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them, so go on and finish your meal". That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks around the edge of his plate and a substance that looked like dried egg yokes, so he ask again, "Are you sure these plates are clean"? Without looking up from his hamburger, the grandfather says, "I told you before; those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't ask me about it anymore!" Later that afternoon, he was on his way out to get dinner in a nearby town. As he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl and wouldn't let him pass so he said, "Grandfather, your dog won't let me out". Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV his grandfather shouted, "Cold Water, Go lay down!" Hahaha!!! Good one!!!
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Post by Voxxkowalski on Aug 4, 2016 20:09:05 GMT -5
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Punchline upside down ˙ɟǝǝq ʇsɐoɹ uɐɔ ǝuoʎuɐ Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? ˙ɐʇuɐs oʇ ןnos sıɥ pןos ǝɥ
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Post by RitaMarita on Aug 5, 2016 19:23:19 GMT -5
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Punchline upside down ˙ɟǝǝq ʇsɐoɹ uɐɔ ǝuoʎuɐ Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? ˙ɐʇuɐs oʇ ןnos sıɥ pןos ǝɥ How did you get the words to go up-side down???
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