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Post by RitaMarita on Jun 20, 2016 19:49:38 GMT -5
For some reason I seem to have a really hard time letting go of the past...
What do you all do to help yourself forget things or people's actions which have really upset you?
I try to be nice to everyone even when they are unkind to me. Yet, sometimes I see such people somewhere years or months later and all the pain comes rushing back in almost totally devastating me. My whole being seems to crumble away, and I try to ignore it, but sometimes I even get physically shaky, and am near breaking down into tears in front of everyone.
The funny thing is that most things don't phase me much, but when I get close to someone and then they push me away, I really have a hard time dealing with it emotionally. Every time I think that I am in control of myself and how I will react to their presence, I am placed in a situation where I become a complete nervous wreak!
Most people have no clue because I try not to make a scene out of it. But, sometimes I get so tired of fighting...
So, all of you who are more experienced in years than I am... What do you do to help get through this???
(Besides of course prayer and trying to trust everything into God's Hands because He knows best...)
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Post by mundacormeum on Jun 20, 2016 20:19:32 GMT -5
It's so hard. Honestly, your final sentence is it. Plus, humility. It takes humility to simply accept and move past those kinds of hurts. I've read, too, that in those moments you can think of the times you have caused others to hurt - knowingly or unknowingly, intentionally or unintentionally - and how they feel when they see you and are reminded of the hurt.....to remind you that it is really your pride at play there, and that we are all sinners and capapble of the hurt that others cause us. Focusing on Our Lord's Passion helps, too. Every sin we have ever committed does to Our Lord what those other people have done to you. If He can endure the weight of the sins of the world for all of us to get to Heaven, then surely we can endure a relatively small emotional (possibly even unjust) hurt from those we love. Offer it up as reparation for your own sins, and those of the world. None of that may ever change how you feel when you encounter those situations, but that's ok. We should not place too much emphasis on feelings, anyway. Besides, we can't often control our feelings...only what we do with them. This sort of thing takes an act of the will. It's difficult for sure, and I more often than not fail, but as long as we keep getting back up and trying, that is what matters. I get so tired of fighting, too. It's exhausting, and discouraging at times. But, that is where Our Lord, our fellow Catholics and the saints come in. To pray for us, earn us the grace of extra strength, and carry us through, when we are too weak to do so ourselves.
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Post by mundacormeum on Jun 20, 2016 20:20:39 GMT -5
Oh, on a practical note, deep breaths, count to 10, say Hail Mary's
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Post by chestertonian on Jun 20, 2016 22:05:18 GMT -5
i think this is a difficult thing for many people.
there are lots of different types of ways people offend each other. its completelyimpossible for a human to be in a relationship with another human, of any sort, without being hurt. even if they are both very good catholics, you're bound to say something or do something to hurt the other person even if it is inadvertantly
i do not think it is possible to completely forget pain people cause sometimes especially if it is related to actual trauma (which was notspecified in the original post) traumatic memories are stored differently int he mind, sometimes even in neural networks throughoutthebody. would be nice if it were possible to forget trauma but...that would probably take divine intervention. as catholics we are called to show mercy to others, but i do not think we are required to forget the pain otherpeopes sins cause, i dont think we are required to not suffer continued pain...it is something you can continually offer up
i have ptsd from being brutallysexually attackedwhile incapacitated, get them frequentlysome of what you describe likenot beingable to have any sort of composure, anxiousness, heart beating fast, panic, mind shuts down etc. orothertimes it is like a slideshow in my head of the trauma. so... pain is brought up again, stuff i thought i already forgave bubbles up to the surface what do you do? forgive again. continual process. kind of like you build a sandcastle, the waves come and knock it over, yougo back to the beach and build another one. life islike that.
to meto forgive the attacker doesnot necessarily mean that you have to be best buds. i'm very glad he went to jail. for example. my plan is to never see him again and to pray that he repents of his action and can have the grace to go to heaven. sometimes that is the only thing i can do to keep from having ill will. if you praythe rosary for them that they will be able to get right with god, trust our lady will take care of the rest, etc. the painful memory may never completely go away but what matters is how the will responds to the offense caused.
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Post by Marya Dabrowski on Jun 20, 2016 22:30:36 GMT -5
Sometimes I just have to say to myself, "This person is loved by God and for God I am going to continue to be nice to them." If you get deep anxiety attacks when you see them, try not to be in a situation where you have to talk with them. Try not to make eye contact with them.
When I talk to people I have "history" with I usually have on a stupid smile and say something stupid. It's just the way it goes. Time will help.
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Post by RitaMarita on Jun 21, 2016 7:23:50 GMT -5
Thank you, everyone!!!
So many good points!
MundaCorMeum --- I wish all well who do me ill. Yet, it often annoys me when I feel annoyed towards with them. This is probably just pride seeping in, and my thinking that I should be able to control my feelings better. If even the saints struggled with not liking people or shuddering at memories, how much more would it be natural for me to have to fight against such feelings... "Deep breaths and 10 Hail Marys" I like that one. I will have to remember it! Thank you!
Chestertonian --- Some of the experiences were somewhat traumatic, though not as extreme as yours. When I became a traditional Catholic I thought that all traditionalists would be like saints, and it totally devastated me to see how dark the lives of some of them are. I had a very protected childhood, and tended to trust people way too easily. This resulted in my being placed in a number of terrible situations which make me shudder. Thank you for sharing your story! It certainly puts my troubles in a different light. Hearing what you have gone through makes me grateful that God pulled me out of a number of situations I was in before they got much worse.
Mary --- Avoiding eye contact and such... I had not really thought of the idea before, but I think that might help sometimes. Thank you!
May God bless you all!
I am grateful for all of your advice!
Sincerely,
Rita
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Post by jen51 on Jun 21, 2016 11:37:04 GMT -5
I'm glad you started this thread, Rita. I have been struggling with the same feelings as well. I am someone who likes pretty much everyone, who naturally thinks well of nearly everyone. I wouldn't call it a virtue or discipline, mainly because it's something that has always been quite natural to me. Therefore, when someone has upset or offended me terribly, and I am not able to think of them or see them (in pictures or IRL) without those feelings rushing in again, it is very uncomfortable for me, and I don't know what to do about it. It even makes me distraught at times. It is not something that I have struggled with before until recently.
As with you, I appreciate everyone's advice!
You are such a sweet person, Rita. I can't help but find myself feeling irritated at whoever has caused you problems! It's the big sister tendency coming out in me I guess (even though I'm the youngest) ! Others advice here sounds good, I really don't have much to add to it. But I will pray for you. As time goes on, and you have more time to heal, it may just be that one day you will see the offender and realize that your negative feelings about them have disappeared, and no longer have any grip on you. That will be a day to rejoice, and gives many praises and Thanksgivings to Our Lord and Lady for helping you out!
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Post by mundacormeum on Jun 21, 2016 12:37:32 GMT -5
Even the just man sins seven times a day, Rita  . We aren't saints until we get to Heaven. If we were, we wouldn't need the Church. Until then, we are all just sinners -subject to temptation and weakness - , hopefully striving for holiness. Though even many inside the Church - even in the seemingly most traditional circles - are just white washed tombs. It was true in Christ's time, it is true in ours, and it will be true for future generations, as well. |
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Post by semperfidelis on Jun 21, 2016 15:26:55 GMT -5
Thank you, everyone!!! So many good points! MundaCorMeum --- I wish all well who do me ill. Yet, it often annoys me when I feel annoyed towards with them. This is probably just pride seeping in, and my thinking that I should be able to control my feelings better. If even the saints struggled with not liking people or shuddering at memories, how much more would it be natural for me to have to fight against such feelings... "Deep breaths and 10 Hail Marys" I like that one. I will have to remember it! Thank you! Chestertonian --- Some of the experiences were somewhat traumatic, though not as extreme as yours. When I became a traditional Catholic I thought that all traditionalists would be like saints, and it totally devastated me to see how dark the lives of some of them are. I had a very protected childhood, and tended to trust people way too easily. This resulted in my being placed in a number of terrible situations which make me shudder. Thank you for sharing your story! It certainly puts my troubles in a different light. Hearing what you have gone through makes me grateful that God pulled me out of a number of situations I was in before they got much worse. Mary --- Avoiding eye contact and such... I had not really thought of the idea before, but I think that might help sometimes. Thank you! May God bless you all! I am grateful for all of your advice! Sincerely, Rita Like you I thought Traditional Catholics would be saints. But then I forgot about the world, the devil, and the flesh. I see this false sense of security and blindness to the weakness of our own faith and wills as a real danger afflicting many many people especially young people. Just because they have the true faith does not mean they are good to hang around or associate with. Don't get me wrong. There are many families whose piety and purity blow me away. There are others which are hypocrites. Not to throw stones as I might very well be the latter. Just saying, especially to young ladies, beware and stay under the protection of your parents and families. Bad company often causes one to fall and can lead to destruction. Chose your friends with care. |
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Post by RitaMarita on Jun 22, 2016 5:46:43 GMT -5
I'm glad you started this thread, Rita. I have been struggling with the same feelings as well. I am someone who likes pretty much everyone, who naturally thinks well of nearly everyone. I wouldn't call it a virtue or discipline, mainly because it's something that has always been quite natural to me. Therefore, when someone has upset or offended me terribly, and I am not able to think of them or see them (in pictures or IRL) without those feelings rushing in again, it is very uncomfortable for me, and I don't know what to do about it. It even makes me distraught at times. It is not something that I have struggled with before until recently. As with you, I appreciate everyone's advice! You are such a sweet person, Rita. I can't help but find myself feeling irritated at whoever has caused you problems! It's the big sister tendency coming out in me I guess (even though I'm the youngest) ! Others advice here sounds good, I really don't have much to add to it. But I will pray for you. As time goes on, and you have more time to heal, it may just be that one day you will see the offender and realize that your negative feelings about them have disappeared, and no longer have any grip on you. That will be a day to rejoice, and gives many praises and Thanksgivings to Our Lord and Lady for helping you out! You are so sweet, Jen! As terrible as it might sound, I am grateful to understand that this is all not just in my head, but a common thing that others struggle with too. I love how everyone here is so kind, courteous and helpful! And thank you for the prayers! May God bless you for your kindness! You shall be in mine too. |
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Post by RitaMarita on Jun 22, 2016 5:51:19 GMT -5
Thank you, everyone!!! So many good points! MundaCorMeum --- I wish all well who do me ill. Yet, it often annoys me when I feel annoyed towards with them. This is probably just pride seeping in, and my thinking that I should be able to control my feelings better. If even the saints struggled with not liking people or shuddering at memories, how much more would it be natural for me to have to fight against such feelings... "Deep breaths and 10 Hail Marys" I like that one. I will have to remember it! Thank you! Chestertonian --- Some of the experiences were somewhat traumatic, though not as extreme as yours. When I became a traditional Catholic I thought that all traditionalists would be like saints, and it totally devastated me to see how dark the lives of some of them are. I had a very protected childhood, and tended to trust people way too easily. This resulted in my being placed in a number of terrible situations which make me shudder. Thank you for sharing your story! It certainly puts my troubles in a different light. Hearing what you have gone through makes me grateful that God pulled me out of a number of situations I was in before they got much worse. Mary --- Avoiding eye contact and such... I had not really thought of the idea before, but I think that might help sometimes. Thank you! May God bless you all! I am grateful for all of your advice! Sincerely, Rita Like you I thought Traditional Catholics would be saints. But then I forgot about the world, the devil, and the flesh. I see this false sense of security and blindness to the weakness of our own faith and wills as a real danger afflicting many many people especially young people. Just because they have the true faith does not mean they are good to hang around or associate with. Don't get me wrong. There are many families whose piety and purity blow me away. There are others which are hypocrites. Not to throw stones as I might very well be the latter. Just saying, especially to young ladies, beware and stay under the protection of your parents and families. Bad company often causes one to fall and can lead to destruction. Chose your friends with care. So sad but very true... I left home when I was 18 so that I could go to the Trindintine Mass. I experienced a bucket-load of dangers for a couple years living with traditional Catholic families, but thankfully they at least provided me some level of protection. Two and a half years later my parents needed help on the farm, and agreed that I could live at home and not have to go to the nouvs ordo. I have been living with my parents and family ever since, and plan to do so unless I get married. The dangers out there in the world are so real... I am just grateful that I learned all of this in a somewhat protected environment. Thanks for the warnings and empathy and may God bless you! |
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Post by thejovialinquisitor on Jun 23, 2016 12:56:03 GMT -5
You shouldn't forgive people if they don't truly repent. God doesn't.
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Post by Voxxkowalski on Jun 26, 2016 6:23:32 GMT -5
You shouldn't forgive people if they don't truly repent. God doesn't. So Jesus on the Cross was wrong? Hmmmm...maybe you need to clarify your statement? |
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Post by chestertonian on Jun 26, 2016 14:04:02 GMT -5
You shouldn't forgive people if they don't truly repent. God doesn't. So Jesus on the Cross was wrong? Hmmmm...maybe you need to clarify your statement? Not atheologianhere but I believe our lorf accomplished the lwork of redemption on the cross but not all will be saved if you commit a mortal sin you are not reconciled to God. it is on us to repent and complete union with God is not possible without rejecting our sins and repenting from them. He is willing and ready to forgive but we also participate in our own salvation by actively turning away from sin and towards Him. f someone murders your wife and has no remorse, forgiveness does not mean you have to invite them to your family barbecue.. but rather praying for their repentance and cultivating a willingness to extend mercy |
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Post by thejovialinquisitor on Jun 26, 2016 14:37:03 GMT -5
You shouldn't forgive people if they don't truly repent. God doesn't. So Jesus on the Cross was wrong? Hmmmm...maybe you need to clarify your statement? He forgave the thief because the thief repented, if that's what you're talking about, which I assume it is. Unless you're talking about "forgive them, they know not what they do", in which case, that's not applicable to someone who knows exactly what he's doing, and does it with a full consent of will, which are the requirements needed for the sin to be a mortal sin. |
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. We aren't saints until we get to Heaven. If we were, we wouldn't need the Church. Until then, we are all just sinners -subject to temptation and weakness - , hopefully striving for holiness. Though even many inside the Church - even in the seemingly most traditional circles - are just white washed tombs. It was true in Christ's time, it is true in ours, and it will be true for future generations, as well. 
